


We Have No Scar to Show for Happiness

by RyeRiley



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types, Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Romantic Comedy, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Feels, Fluff and Humor, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Love Confessions, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Vacation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-07-08 11:26:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19868857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyeRiley/pseuds/RyeRiley
Summary: Carmilla Karnstein lives in the small town of Styria in the outskirts of Graz. She runs the kitchen in her family-owned lodge. In her 31 years of existence, she has never left the region of Styria. Thoughtful, charming, and altruistic, Carmilla hides beneath her mask of sarcasm and reclusive nature.Laura Hollis is a 27 year old fresh from graduate school taking some time off to travel with her fiancée Danny Lawrence who is a commercial photographer. Entrapped in her mundane life and relationship with Danny, Laura rediscovers herself as she ventures out in the borders of Styria sampling local food and meeting new people.Loosely inspired by the Sofia Coppola movie "Lost in Translation", both trapped in their own circumstances, Laura and Carmilla re-experience love and emerge from their self-built confines that they call life.The title is borrowed from a passage in "Diary", a novel by Chuck Palahniuk.





	1. The Aroma of Newness

**Author's Note:**

> "It's hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."
> 
> Chuck Palahniuk, Dairy

* * *

A strong aroma hit Mattie’s senses as she entered the rustic but well-organized kitchen of the Karnstein Lodge. The U-shaped kitchen was a marriage of country charm combined with a few stainless steel equipment. A black fireclay farmhouse sink was located next to a series of wide casement windows where a view of the idyllic landscape stood like a picture. Copper pots and pans hung from a kitchen rack located just right above a large extendable oak wood table. Two narrow benches flanked the table; these seating pieces were used for food preparation. The oven, the hob and the range hood were adjacent to the washing area and the two-door refrigerator and freezer stood on the opposite site. Various spices and pickled fruits and vegetables lined the floating shelves. The brass handles of the oak wood cabinets gathered a greenish tinge due to its old age. The lid of a cooking pot rattled as a thin layer of stem escaped, it stood single-handedly on top of the hob.

“Something smells nice in here, would you need any help?” Mattie inquired as she surveyed the kitchen.

A slim female figure had her back against the threshold; she was preparing some flat-leaf parsley leaves for garnish. Her long wavy raven hair was tied up neatly wrapped in a black headscarf. She also wore a black double-breasted jacket and a pair of black pants and clogs. Some acoustic guitar music played softly in the background droning all the clanging of the kitchenware as she continue with her food preparation.

“Can you remove the lid from the casserole, please?” She directed with a deep sultry voice.

“So, we’re having goulash then? What’s for dessert?” Mattie inquired as the condensation from the cooking pot hit her full force as she removed the lid.

“Well, we’re having potato pancakes and then beef goulash for the main course and then sachertorte for dessert”. The chef pointed out as she removed the cooking pot from the hob, poured its contents on clean rustic casserole and added some garnish and sour cream to the dish. Her slim pale arms moved with discretion and precision.

“So, some traditional cooking eh, Carm?” Mattie inquired as she settled her hands on her hips.

“Nothing like a warm welcome dinner.” Carmilla stated as she continued to polish her work by wiping the sides of the dishes with a clean piece of cloth.

“The yuppies from Graz are bound to like this.” Mattie nodded quite impressed of her sister’s handiwork. Carmilla usually preferred to work alone, with only around eleven rooms in the lodge; she would usually manage all the food preparation.

The Karnstein siblings were the third generation to run the Karnstein Lodge in the fringes of Upper Styria. Tobias and Anja Karnstein originally set it up as an inn adjacent to their farmhouse, as an overnight accommodation for travelers and anglers. Later on, Lukas and his wife Lilita set it up as a cozy lodge for tourists who retreated in the quiet mountainous and forested region of Styria. After their parents passed away, Mattie, Lukas’ daughter to his first wife Anita, who was originally from Barbados, took over in managing the amenity. Anita died from complications in childbirth and Lukas eventually remarried. In his second marriage, Lilita bore him two children, Carmilla and William. Both siblings are now helping their sister run the facility as chef and head of maintenance and housekeeping, respectively. The siblings have presently turned their lodging establishment into a bed and breakfast for tourists who visit the neighboring 16th century castles, the wine vineyards, and the spa facilities. They also had guests who were either mountaineers or anglers and simply adored the straightforward quintessence of the lodge. This time aside from their typical throng of practical and unpretentious tourists, the lodge was expecting a group of ten guests from the Graz Media Group who will be staying with them for two weeks.

“So, an entire crew will be housed here, the celebrity models are staying at the Silas Hotel. I heard they’ll be having photoshoots at the Lustig Lake and the castles for some clothing brand campaign.” Mattie explained.

“There’s really no safe place left from capitalism. Anyway, at least we’ll be busy for a few weeks.” Carmilla mumbled as she arranged the potato pancakes into small dishes. “Of course, it was a good thing we went online a year ago. You were right, yuppies nowadays are bound to book more in small pastoral settings than in big hotels.”

“Reviews would claim that it’s more authentic, cozier and of course cheaper. At least, I have put my marketing degree to good use.” Mattie patted her sister’s back. “I’ll ask Lola to serve the appetizers then, I believe our guests are already at the dining hall.” She continued as she disappeared into the threshold.

Carmilla simply nodded as she moved to line up the plates of appetizers.

* * *

Laura laid in the softness of the queen-sized bed for a while; the drive to Upper Styria was a little bit rough. Her fiancée Danny’s colleagues, Kirsch and Mel rode with them, Laura was not able to catch any sleep because of the non-stop conversation about work and non-work related issues the three had. They always talked about some celebrity encounter, some lame location or some incompetent subcontractor that they had worked with. Danny worked as a photographer, Kirsch, the videographer and Mel, the production assistant joined the Graz Media Group upon graduation. Laura with a degree in journalism just finished her graduate studies in public interest media and communication and was currently in between jobs. Preparing for her upcoming wedding with Danny, Laura simply tagged along in most of Danny’s on-site work pushing all her personal plans to a later date. Laura spent for her own expenses on these trips, living comfortably with the trust fund that her late father has left her. 

Some loud knocking suddenly interrupted Laura’s reverie, “Hey, babe, are you ready yet? Everyone’s at the dining hall.” Danny peaked through their room door.

Laura jolted from her lounged position, “Alright, you can go ahead, I’ll be right there.”

As Danny proceeded to the dining hall, Laura immediately went to the bathroom to fix her hair and to tidy up. She adjusted the white mandarin collar shirt that she wore beneath her mustard long sleeve open front cardigan and exited the hotel room in an easy stroll. The rooms were at the second floor of the half-timbered structure. Outside the structural timbers were exposed; the studs, cross beams, and braces were all visible and the spaces in between the timbers were filled with stone and plaster. This was a typical architectural detail of many residential structures in Upper Styria, derived from the influence of Bavarian architecture. The dining hall was at the ground floor near the reception area. Laura entered the bucolic Bavarian interior; the walls were paneled with oak wood and the wide heavy floorboards creaked on each step that she took. The exposed timber construction of the exterior was channeled in the interior, the pillars jutted out of the stone fortifications to frame each wall. When Laura reached the reception, she noticed that the fireplace, which served as a centerpiece, was already set alight. The redhead receptionist, who introduced herself as Lola was no longer at her post behind the reception counter. Instead, there was a lithe female figure who sat serenely at the lounge area. Her slim body was somehow swathed by the massive leather armchairs; a bicolor dog, which happens to be a border collie, sat on the ground next to her seated form. Her long raven locks cascaded over her shoulders, she wore a plain white t-shirt underneath a long sleeve black knitted sweater and a pair of black pants. Her legs were crossed and her gaze was fixed towards the view provided by the large picture window at the reception. Laura has never seen such a peaceful scene in a long time.

As Laura approached, the stranger seemed to notice her entry as the floorboards squeaked. She stood up gracefully and the dog followed her towards the reception counter. Laura noticed that her eyes were just a little bit darker than her own hazel brown orbs. As she got nearer, she realized how perfect the stranger’s eyebrows were, as if they were practically drawn to proper scale above her eyes.

“Good evening, you must be headed to the dining hall; dinner is currently being served as we speak.” The stranger greeted, Laura was dumbfounded at how deep and alluring her voice was.

“Hmm, and you are part of the staff?” Laura asked tentatively.

“Oh, I’m sorry, where are my manners? I’m Carmilla, actually I’m the chef here. Lola is currently serving dinner, I’ll be back at the kitchen as soon as someone arrives to take Angler here for a walk.” Carmilla pointed at the dog who seemed to be a bit reserved before she extended her hand to Laura.

“Laura Hollis, I guess I’ll be staying here for a while.” Laura shook Carmilla’s hand, lingering for a few seconds before finally letting go.

“Pleased to meet you Ms. Hollis. Oh, so you’re part of the media crew?” Carmilla inquired, Laura was a bit taken aback by how Carmilla would look at her straight in the eye when addressing her.

“Well, yes and no.” Laura chuckled; she really didn’t know how to define why she was there.

“Pardon me?” Carmilla looked baffled.

“Well, I’m with them but not officially. My partner is part of the team but I actually tagged along to get some much needed vacation. I just finished graduate school last semester.” Laura explained and she noticed how the previous enthusiasm somehow escaped Carmilla’s face.

“In that case, I won’t keep you. Dinner is served right through that door and I hope you enjoy it.” Carmilla recoiled, almost with a bow.

“Thank you then, Carmilla.” Laura let the last syllable of her name roll off her tongue.

Laura distinguished that her interaction with Carmilla somewhat made her feel fuzzy. It’s the kind of fuzziness that she shouldn’t be feeling at this point. Nevertheless, as she walked towards the dining hall, she wished that this wouldn’t be their last encounter.

* * *

After her brief interaction with Laura, Carmilla put on her chef’s uniform again and proceeded to prepare the dessert for the evening. As one of the part-time staff arrived to operate the reception counter and her brother, William took Angler for a walk, Carmilla was back in the kitchen. She carefully sliced the sachertorte, a chocolate cake with apricot jam filling and plated all the portions.

“Compliments to the chef from our friends from Graz.” Lola entered the kitchen with a load of empty dishes from the dining hall. She wore a black apron over her white shirt and khaki pants and her curly red locks were tied up in a neat bun.

“Thank you, desserts are ready to be sent out.” Carmilla instructed as she wiped off the rims of the dessert plates.

Carmilla was no longer alone inside the kitchen; the staff who was in charge of dishwashing had already started her shift in the kitchen. After the dinner service, Carmilla would typically help her in cleaning up.

“Also, Laf requests you to join them once you’re available.” Perry told Carmilla as she prepared to bring out the first batch of desserts.

“Alright, I’ll join them shortly.” Carmilla looked up from her work to acknowledge Lola.

S. LaFontaine or Laf is one of the regular guests in Karnstein Lodge. Laf is actually a fiction writer based in Graz but they would often head to Styria and stay at the lodge for a couple of months especially when finishing a new book or when simply brainstorming on a new idea. Mattie recognized Laf as one of the most interesting guests in the lodge. Laf is non-binary or genderqueer and goes with pronouns such as them and they. However, having a lesbian sister and a being bisexual herself, Mattie was not troubled with issues on gender identity and sexualities; Styria was a rather progressive and accepting place compared to other regions. Laf was interesting because of their eccentricities such as talking to themselves, walking around under the rain, or running around the farm for hours simply to channel a fictional character that they were writing on. Since Laf is a regular guest, they are allowed to do whatever they please as long as other guests are not bothered. Carmilla had eventually become Laf’s friend and she was always there to accompany or check on Laf on her free time. Carmilla enjoyed brainstorming with Laf or even creating fictional characters needed for their book.

After all the food preparations were in order, Carmilla took off her apron, bandanna, and jacket to head out to the dining hall and accompany Laf at their booth. Laf always occupied the corner booth next to the waiter’s station; this gave them the vantage point to observe all the other diners. Laf’s infamous hobby was people watching and they had always done this with Carmilla. Carrying a bottle of vintage port and two wine glasses, Carmilla approached Laf’s table.

“Mind if I join you?” Carmilla greeted as she slid into the seating opposite Laf.

“Of course you should join me, I asked for you.” Laf commented without looking up from savoring their dessert. “There are new kids in town.” Laf added as Carmilla looked into the opposite direction they were referring to.

In the middle of the dining room, Carmilla observed the group that came in from Graz. They were divided into two groups in smaller tables. One group talked boisterously with an air of nonchalance to the other guests in hall. The second group was a little bit more reserved, there were six of them in a table and they seem to be immersed in conversation as well. In this table, Carmilla spotted the blonde-haired woman that she spoke with earlier. She was taking small bites of her dessert, seemingly relishing the flavor in every bite. She would casually nod and give a coy smile when addressed to but she never spoke at length like the others. Suddenly, as if feeling that she was being observed, she instantly looked into Carmilla’s direction. It was too late for Carmilla to pretend to look at the other direction, so she decided to play it cool and maintain the silent interaction. So, she poured herself a glass of port and raised a toast to Laura’s direction. To her surprise, Laura mouthed what seemed to be a “this is good” and gave her a thumbs up. She replied with a nod and a shy smile until the tall redhead beside Laura got Laura’s attention.

“Is that some low-key flirting I see there?” Laf witnessed the entire interaction.

“Just being a bit friendly with a guest, like you and I are friends.” Carmilla returned her attention to Laf.

“Well, I suppose the friendliness level is the same because I think that’s her wife or fiancée she’s seated next to.” Laf pointed out as they motioned Carmilla to pour some port to the other glass.

“What makes you so sure?” Carmilla asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I’ve been enjoying dinner by my lonesome for hours here, of course, I’ve been watching them. The shorter woman arrives later than the tall one; the tall one grabs a chair for her. They sit a little bit closer for comfort, she wipes off some crumbs from her lap, and she puts an arm behind her chair. It’s all body language I suppose, but if you do have 20/20 vision, you can tell that shorty there has a silver band on her third finger in her left hand.” Laf points out nonchalantly.

“Good observations.” Carmilla was trying to be very lax about it, but she also found it a little bit disappointing that the woman who has captured her attention after quite some time was already committed to someone else. “You’re really good at making up stories based on observations.”

“That’s what I do for living, my friend.” Laf answers back smugly.

Laura cranes her head to look at Carmilla’s direction one last time, but Carmilla has already turned her back, immersed in an animatedly conversation with the writer, S. Lafontaine.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Readers,
> 
> I have just recently finished my first Hollstein fic entitled, "I Am the One Who Waits", a university fic set in the 90s. If you have read and enjoyed that, I hope you will also enjoy this next Hollstein fic.
> 
> I will be posting a few chapters consecutively so that you will discover the general flow of the fic. Please let me know what you think of this one. Your comments are always welcomed!
> 
> Again, thank you for reading my work!


	2. Omelets Can Be Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla get to know each other a little more in their next encounter. Carmilla finds herself reacting against her reclusive nature.

* * *

It was the crack of dawn, Laura stirred from her sleep. It was one of the soundest slumbers that she has ever had in months; she was away from the busy traffic noise outside her and Danny’s apartment in Graz, the calm of the countryside was comforting. However, this ease was interrupted by the loud banging of Danny’s hard case luggage which contained her camera equipment.

“Hey Laur, time to get up now, we’ll be heading to Castle Vordenberg in a while. We would need to get there before sunrise to get establishing shots.” A fully dressed, newly bathed Danny directed her. She already had a grey beanie on; she wore a jersey under her coat and a pair of dark jeans and boots.

Laura turned and checked the time from her phone on the nightstand; it was only 5:15 in the morning. She didn’t see the point why she needed to get up this early. Previously, she had enjoyed marveling at the sunrise in many of the locations that she has been with Danny but after a while, it could get a little bit tiring. She eventually got weary of all the rush, when Danny first invited her to join destination shoots she appreciated all the traveling. Now, she was just so tired of all the hustle, with always catching up with the crew, she never had enough time to savor certain locations and these included places in Italy, France, and Belgium. However, there were times when she agreed to be left behind at the hotel and would go on a stroll on her own, in these mundane moments, she would be able to move at her own pace and absorb her surroundings more. Therefore, being a little bit too tired from an arduous drive; she decided to go on her own course once again.

“Why don’t you just go ahead? I’ll find my way around.” Laura mumbled as she sunk back into her pillow.

“But we’re going to a castle, Laur, you won’t be able to drive there all by yourself.” Danny protested as she continued to organize her equipment.

“You’ll be working all day, anyway. I don’t want you to worry about me.” Laura answered almost indistinctively.

“Well, whatever just hit me a text whatever you decide to do.” At this point Danny knew that there was no point in objecting, they had gone through this conversation many times before.

“I’ll just ask the reception for nearby tourist activities later.” Laura muttered.

“Suit yourself, I have to go.” Danny gave her a quick peck on the forehead and hurriedly left the room.

Danny intentionally left the lights in the room open; Laura knew she would spite her when she was pissed off. Laura discerned that this arrangement had been straining their relationship for almost a year, but they never confronted it. Laura was just surprised that after her graduation just two months ago, Danny was immediately on her knees with a marriage proposal. She knew that it won’t fix anything in their relationship. But after realizing that there was no one else left in her life after her father passed away except for Danny, she figured that ‘saying yes’ was probably the right thing to do. Laura sluggishly got up to shut the lights off and went back to bed wearing a wrinkled set of pinstriped pajamas.

* * *

It was already past 10 o’clock and the last order for the breakfast service was already done. Mattie told Carmilla that the media crew would leave early for their shoot; hence, she simply prepared sandwiches and coffee to go by 6 o’clock. The dining hall was empty now, Mattie retreated to the back room to do some inventory of supplies and Lola was back at the reception counter to receive guests and book upcoming reservations. All the dishwashing was done and Carmilla already dismissed the staff from the kitchen to proceed with the general housekeeping. Wearing her red bandanna, she removed her jacket and proceeded to the dining hall only in a black t-shirt and a black apron over her dark colored jeans. She wanted to clean the water goblets before heading out for a nap prior to the lunch service.

As Carmilla went to align some of the chairs at the middle tables, she noticed a guest enter the dining hall at the periphery of her vision. “Good morning, I’m sorry but the breakfast menu is no longer available, but I can get you something from the lunch set instead.” Carmilla called out without looking up from her task.

“I’m sorry, I kinda overslept.” Suddenly, the recognized the same awkward tone from yesterday.

“Oh, hi there Ms. Hollis, what can I get you?” Carmilla greeted the rather disoriented Laura, her blonde tresses were still a little bit damp, she lazily put on a black hoodie over a cornflower t-shirt, she wore stonewashed jeans and a pair of hi-cut sneakers. She looked like a college student who had a rough all-nighter.

“I’m so sorry to bother, but I am really hoping that you still have leftover coffee.” Laura sounded hopeful despite the hoarseness of her voice.

“Well, you’re in luck, that’s typically what we have all day. Please have a seat.” Carmilla directed Laura towards one of the booths.

“Thank you so much for accommodating me, I know you should be getting ready for lunch service, I really do hope I am not much of a bother.” Laura apologized as she moved to take her seat.

“Well, I was off to take a nap before the lunch service but we usually don’t share that information with guests. On the other hand, I suppose you deserve a nice brunch.” Carmilla beamed at Laura.

“Since you’re making exceptions for me, I won’t tell management that the chef usually takes naps while at work.” Laura playfully bantered.

“Do you have any diet restrictions or allergies that I should know of?” Carmilla asked casually.

“Well, I don’t like mushrooms.” Laura answered immediately.

“Too bad you won’t be able to sample my mushroom risotto then. But why don’t you like mushrooms if I may ask?” Carmilla inquired.

“I just don’t like the texture.” Laura responded but it was addressed more like a question.

“Alright then, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Carmilla declared as she skipped back towards the direction of the kitchen.

“I don’t really want to bother you with anything else; I’ll be fine with coffee.” Laura called after Carmilla.

“Nonsense, we don’t allow our guests to go hungry in Karnstein Lodge.” Carmilla quipped back as she disappeared into the kitchen.

Meanwhile, as Carmilla went to the kitchen, Laura had busied herself by looking at all the photographs and newspaper clippings that hung in the dining hall. With the dim lighting the night before, she never noticed some of these details in the room. There was a photograph of an elegant couple in formal wear; it was labelled Tobias and Anja Karnstein, 1945. Then next to it, what was seem to be a family portrait, in front of what Laura recognized as the façade of Karnstein Lodge. In the photograph was a young couple, a toddler who somehow resembled Mattie, the manager who was sitting on the shoulders of the father and a baby probably just a few months old was being cradled by the wife, it was dated 1988. Then just after a few photographs of patrons and celebrity guests was a framed clipping from what seemed to be the local newspaper. The headline read, “Third generation Karnsteins, re-opens lodge as iconic bed and breakfast”, next to the text was a photograph of Mattie, Carmilla and a young man. The caption read: (From left to right) Matska, Carmilla, and William Karnstein, keeping their family legacy alive. Photo taken January 4, 2012.

“Have you pieced together our family tree?” Carmilla greeted as she re-emerged from the kitchen carrying a tray with two mugs a French press of coffee and a plate of omelet.

Laura was suddenly distracted with the aroma of the food that Carmilla brought in. “That smells great! What is it?”

As the duo settled down on the table, Carmilla began to describe the dish. “Well, it’s a sweet omelet. I assumed that you’ve got a sweet tooth so this is like dessert for breakfast.”

Laura inspected the dish before her, it looked like a typical fluffy omelet but then Carmilla sprinkled it with raisins, fresh raspberries and confectionary sugar.

“You prepared this in five minutes? Are you sure this is not a pancake?” Laura paused before taking a bite.

“It’s an omelet.” Carmilla declared as she began to pour both of them some coffee from the French press.

“Wow! Just wow!” Laura exclaimed after taking her first bite. “You definitely can read me.” She beamed. Laura looked like a happy child eating ice cream at a parlor; Carmilla felt butterflies at the pit of her stomach with this little breakthrough. She was just making a guest happy, she told herself internally.

“Just don’t go around telling people, that’s not part of the menu.” Carmilla warned Laura.

“Your secret is safe with me.” Laura took another mouthful.

“You don’t mind if I sit here and join you right? You interrupted my nap after all.” Carmilla joked.

“By all means, that’s the least I can do.” Laura jested. “Thank you so much for this.” She took another mouthful.

“You’re welcome; I’m in the hospitality business after all.” Carmilla continued to banter.

“So, you’re a third generation Karnstein, huh?” Laura inquired casually.

“Well, obviously, as you’ve seen in this timeline. Since our parents passed away, Mattie had been managing, I’ve been taking care of the kitchen and Will had been taking care of the grounds.” Carmilla re-counted before she took a sip of her coffee.

“If you don’t mind me asking the obvious, Mattie is your sister right?” Laura queried with caution in her tone. People would often clarify if Mattie was adopted and the siblings were used to this.

“Mattie’s the eldest from dad’s first marriage, her mother was a beautiful woman named Ariana, she was from Barbados. She died from childbirth, so after two years, dad was married to my mom, Lilita who was also from Styria and they had me. William was born four years after.” Carmilla explained.

“And you all decided to stay with the family business?” Laura continued.

“Well, in different circumstances, you could say that. Dad died from car accident in 2002, Mattie was studying at Graz at that year. Mom kept up with the management of the lodge but by the time, Mattie got her degree in marketing in 2007, then mom passed away from pancreatic cancer. I just got into the university by that point, I was studying philosophy but I realized that Mattie needed help around here, so I dropped out. She insisted that I should still pursue something, so I went to culinary school instead. Will decided not to go to college and immediately helped out after high school.” Carmilla narrated. “Sorry, it’s a bit of a downer, but I enjoyed my time in culinary school. Plus, we had been keeping this business afloat as much as we can.”

“I’m really sorry about your parents.” Carmilla was caught off guard when Laura suddenly squeezed her right hand from across the table. “But you guys did a great job here.” Laura added, withdrawing her hand, Carmilla realized that she immediately craved for the warmth of Laura’s touch.

“Our grandparents started with an inn to set up as a gathering place for weary travelers and anglers back in the day. This place has somehow became an icon in this town, we just wanted to keep their legacy, and we grew up in this place.” Carmilla shared.

“So, you mean, aside from studying in Graz, you have never been to any other place in the world?” Laura asked, finishing the last morsels of her meal.

“Nope, never been to any other region or continent. I think I’ll die here, doing the same thing over and over again.” Carmilla responded. “Don’t get me wrong, it might appear like a personal hell to others but I’m happy with the mundanity of my work.” Carmilla added.

“But you cook for living, aren’t you at least curious of what else is out there? The least to sample different flavors in other places?” Laura gesticulated wildly, she thought that it was probably all the sugar that got her to be so locomotive.

“Well, probably, when I get a day off.” Carmilla sniggered.

“Do you ever get a day off?” Laura questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Do you see any other chef around here?” Carmilla quipped.

“Then train an apprentice or hire a replacement.” Laura suggested.

“My brother Will can actually cook too, but Mattie doesn’t trust him with quality and consistency. Plus, he has a lot on his plate now.” Carmilla stated. “Anyway, I think I’m oversharing, cupcake.”

“Cupcake?” Laura caught the nickname Carmilla gave her.

“You remind me of the fuzziest treat, Ms. Hollis., hence, cupcake.” Carmilla sneered.

“You may call me, Laura, thank you. Not cupcake and not Ms. Hollis.” Laura gave a small smile as she consumed her coffee.

“If you don’t mind me asking, I suppose you had company last night, why are you here in your lonesome?” Carmilla asked in a singsong tune.

“They crew was shooting on-site in some castle, the call time was just too early. After all, I’m here on vacation.” Laura winked at Carmilla, she actually winked at her.

“Do you always tag along in your wife’s field work?” Carmilla tried to find out.

“Fiancée actually, not yet my wife.” Laura corrected.

“Sorry, I stand corrected. So when’s the wedding? Our grounds are maintained well here, we may not be the Silas Hotel but we have been host to many Styrian weddings.” Carmilla was still disappointed with the affirmation that Laura was indeed committed, so she tried to lighten the mood.

“We just got engaged a couple of months ago, we don’t actually have definite plans or a date yet.” Laura shared; her tone was a bit apprehensive.

“Well, you still have time; just let us know in advance if you’re interested.” Carmilla tried to keep the conversation in a professional level; she couldn’t tell if this was a touchy subject for Laura.

“Yeah, we’ll let you guys know if we’re interested.” Laura’s answer was rather weak. “Meantime, can you recommend any places that I can visit?” Laura tried to change the subject.

“Let me see, tourist maps will lead you to the typical sights here, you have the museums, the castles and the spas all over town. These are great places to visit if you want to know more about the geography and the people.” Carmilla eventually took out her phone to look for something. “But this is a great sight” Carmilla showed a picture of a scenic lake to Laura. “You can take a car to visit the Lustig Lake, I got this during the sunset. Also, if you’re up for some hiking, the hills and the cliffs also offer a great view.”

“Oh, I do hope I can manage to go to these places, is there a car rental nearby?” Laura queried.

“I can take you, actually.” Carmilla was surprised by her own words.

“I thought you didn’t have a day off?” Laura asked with arms akimbo, an eyebrow raised.

“Tomorrow’s a Thursday, it’s the least busy day, and Mattie allows Will to take over the kitchen. I’m supposed to go to the vineyard anyway. It’s not an actual day off; it’s more of a ‘supply run’.” Carmilla gestured with air quotes.

“Alright then, Carmilla Karnstein, may I join you in this ‘supply run’?” Laura asked with air quotes as well.

“Absolutely.” Carmilla looked happy.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!
> 
> Styria and Graz are of course actual places in Austria but like the web series, I'm using these actual places as inspiration but most of the details are purely fictional. However, some details regarding the food and the landscape are borrowed from the Austrian culture. Sorry for the inaccuracies but this is nothing factual or historical, just a work of fan fiction, thank you for understanding.


	3. Gray Mornings and Supply Runs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla takes Laura on a sightseeing trip cum supply run, Laura gets to meet the locals of Styria and the other members of Carmilla's family.

* * *

For some strange reason, Laura was thankful that Danny needed to leave early once more the following morning. The crew wanted to finish most things in their shot list so they needed to leave before sunrise. She decided to be left behind at the lodge again, Danny simply left without a word, not even bothering to wake her up.

The previous evening with Danny was rather uneventful; Laura had dinner with Danny, Kirsch and Mel at the dining hall once more and they were simply unrelenting with their ramblings about work. Laura kept her attention towards the kitchen window, there was a narrow gap between the dining space and the kitchen and customers could somehow see all the food before they were being brought to their table. Carmilla would typically yell, “pick up” and Lola would come rushing with a tray. As the desserts were being sent out, Laura finally caught glimpse the raven-haired female. Carmilla peeped through the narrow window, looked at Laura’s direction and winked at her, Laura simply responded with a warm smile.

As Lola approached their table, Laura sensed that the dessert smelled wonderful. As Lola placed the plate in front of her, Laura’s eyes shone.

“A warm plate of apple strudel, it’s made with the same puff pastry that is used in Turkish baklava with vanilla sauce and frothy Melange coffee.” Lola explained.

“My compliments again to the chef! This looks and smells great!” Kirsch exclaimed as he rubbed his palms together, preparing to savor the dessert.

“Will let her know. Enjoy it while it’s warm.” Lola motivated as she moved to serve other tables.

“I think I’ll pass on this one, I need to catch some sleep, and this will only hype me up.” Danny looked at the plate in distaste.

After taking a bite, Laura was overwhelmed by how balanced the flavors were and the warmth of the dish.

“I can have your share of this strudel.” Laura moved to claim Danny’s dessert.

“Oh babe, don’t you think you should cut down on the sugar a bit? You haven’t done much of your yoga recently.” Danny held on to Laura’s wrist to prevent her from taking the plate.

There was an awkward silence at the table; Mel and Kirsch were anticipating Laura’s reaction. Laura felt a little hurt, Danny knew about her sweet tooth and after all, she was on vacation. Was this Danny’s way of telling her that she was getting fat? Not that she cared much about gaining some weight but she supposed that in front of her colleagues was not the best venue to bring this up. Laura simply backed off and returned to her own dessert, taking small portions this time. Danny had the way of making sweet things taste bitter as of late.

“Well, I need to bulk up for my height; I’ll take that if you don’t mind.” Kirsch tried to lighten the mood, reaching out for the neglected dessert.

“I think you need it since you’re a growing boy.” Danny snorted, oblivious to the fact that she was insensitive to her fiancée.

Mel continued to eat her own portion giving Laura a weak smile; Laura did not look up at her direction though. Unbeknownst to Laura, Carmilla had witnessed the entire incident from the narrow kitchen window.

* * *

An onyx black GMC Canyon was parked along the driveway of the Karnstein Lodge. Being just about 5’3” in height Carmilla hopped on the side of the vehicle to wipe the windshield with a clean rug. Angler was running around near the driveway chasing some butterflies and other small insects. Mattie emerged from the back entry carrying a supply list written in ruled pad paper. She looked elegant with her lapel wool trench coat over a cream turtleneck and khaki pants. The air was starting to get colder in the morning.

“Don’t forget the beets for the borscht; I called Hans to remind you.” Mattie pointed out as she was deeply reviewing the list.

“That’s what the list is for.” Carmilla joked as she hopped off the truck to retrieve the piece of paper from her sister.

“You look a bit snazzy for a supply run.” Mattie noticed Carmilla’s outfit. Carmilla wore a yellow beanie over her soft tresses. She had a black biker leather jacket over a dark plaid shirt and a black thermal shirt. A gray wool scarf hung loosely around her neck; she matched it with dark skinny jeans and a pair of combat boots. 

“What? It’s a chilly morning!” Carmilla disputed but even before their banter could continue; their younger brother, William’s minivan, a maroon Honda Odyssey entered the lot with a rather skewed parking position.

“Hola, chicas!” Will exited the vehicle in a jolly mood. He loved Thursdays, Mattie was generous enough to let him take over the kitchen and Carmilla had her typical non-day off. He had long wavy dirty blood hair that was parted on one side and he had a three-day stubble that was neatly trimmed to the sides. He wore a dark blue hooded parka over his navy blue coveralls.

Will carefully slid the rear door open and out appeared a five-year-old boy with the same wavy dirty blonde hair as Will’s. He had the shag haircut that just went above his eyebrows and ears. He wore a light gray down sweater hoodie over his printed shirt, dark jeans and hi-cut sneakers.

“Aunt Mattie!” He run to Mattie and reached out for a warm hug.

“Aunt Milla!” Then he run to Carmilla and he approached her with so much force that he almost tackled her to the pavement. Carmilla caught him with the right footing, embraced him tightly and ruffled his hair.

“It’s as if you haven’t seen each other in ages.” Mattie chuckled from her spot. Eventually, Angler re-emerged and approached the boy with a wagging tail.

“Okay J.P., remember to behave and not to give your Aunt any trouble. Don’t be shy to tell her if you have to go to pee.” Will crouched before the boy and adjusted the hood of his jacket.

“Dad, I’m a big boy now, we shouldn’t be talking about that in front of the ladies.” J.P. covered his dad’s mouth with his tiny little hand.

“Very well, hop in big boy!” Will carried his son to the backseat of Carmilla’s truck, Angler climbed after him.

J.P. and Angler were already cozy at the backseat but Mattie and Will were wondering why Carmilla hasn’t entered the truck yet.

“Missed something, Kitty?” Will wondered with a raised eyebrow, this was his exclusive term of endearment for his older sister.

“Ow, it’s just one of our guests will be joining us. I promised to show her around the lake and the vineyard today.” Carmilla muttered coyly, fixing her gaze at the front entrance of the lodge.

Before her siblings could say anything else, Laura appeared from the threshold. She wore a light brown slim fit padded parka with a fur hood over a denim top, light blue denim jeans and a pair of brown hiking boots. Carmilla tried to contain her smile in front of her siblings and she waved at Laura instead.

“Hey, good morning everyone.” Laura greeted the other Karnsteins as she approached them.

“Good morning, Ms. Hollis. This is my brother William; I guess you haven’t seen him around since he’s usually at the back of the house.” Carmilla introduced her younger brother formally.

“Pleased to meet you, Ms. Hollis. Call me Will, William sounds like a prince’s name, I’m no prince.” Will gave Laura a firm handshake and Carmilla a knowing look.

“So, I guess my sister here has volunteered to show you around, Ms. Hollis?” Mattie spoke flashing a megawatt smile.

“Oh, yes she did, and please call me Laura. I hope I’m not much of a bother. I just wanted to see the geography in a local’s perspective; I can go to the touristy spots later.” Laura replied bashfully, feeling that she might had been quite imposing on Carmilla.

“No, not at all, we’re glad to be of service.” Mattie gave her sister a meaningful look, Carmilla just smirked at her.

“Well, if there’s someone who can show you around, it’s definitely my sister here.” Will declared giving Carmilla a side hug as he wiggled his eyebrows at Laura.

As the adults teased Carmilla at the driveway, J.P. was getting a little bit impatient and poked his head outside of the car window.

“What’s taking you so long?” J.P. called out.

“Remember your manners, boy. We have a guest here.” Will told his son as he approached the vehicle and whispered something to his son’s ear.

“And that’s Will’s son, J.P. He and Angler will be joining us today if you don’t mind?” Carmilla explained, trying to sound a little apologetic.

“Don’t worry, J.P. is a well-mannered boy, he’s actually quite entertaining during long drives.” Mattie joked as she walked with Carmilla and Laura towards the car.

“Oh don’t worry, so far, I have no issues with standard Karnstein hospitality.” Laura chuckled as Mattie opened the passenger door for her. Laura struggled a bit to get into the vehicle as Carmilla effortlessly climbed up the driver’s side.

“Drive safety and take care of our guest, Carmilla. Have a great day, Laura.” Mattie harked as she closed the passenger door as soon as Laura was settled. Carmilla gave her sister an unenthusiastic salute.

“Bye!” J.P. yelled from the backseat to his dad and aunt as the truck backed out of the driveway, Angler barked along with him.

As the truck disappeared into the road, the two Karnsteins remained at the driveway for a while.

“So, Kitty’s showing a guest around town. What did I miss?” Will asked with both his hands inside the pockets of his jacket.

“Laura’s from Graz, she came in with the media crew. I believe she’s involved with one of them but I haven’t seen her leave the hotel until today.” Mattie recounted.

“Well, it’s nice to see that Kitty has made a friend. It’s been a long time since she opened up to someone. Let’s not be hasty about our judgments.” Will counteracted.

“I just do hope that they’re on the same page. You know Carmilla’s heart eyes when you see it.” Mattie gave her brother a perceptive look.

“Just chill, she’s just being sociable, nothing to worry there, she’s entertaining a guest, and guests come and go.” Will reminded his sister as they headed towards the lodge.

“That’s exactly what I’m worried of, people come and then they go.” Mattie emphasized.

“She knows that.” Will simply shrugged his shoulders and patted his sister at the back.

* * *

Laura was fascinated by how clean the interiors of the truck were. The dashboard and the seats were in jet-black leather, there were fabric guards installed and retractable rubber pads for the flooring. All the windows were open and as they drove into the main road, there were fewer and fewer vehicles. The wind smelled clean and the air was becoming less chilly as the sun rose up. Carmilla now wore a pair of dark aviator sunglasses to shield her eyes from the glare. Laura liked looking at this relaxed version of Carmilla, stripped of her chef’s uniform, in casual wear. If she were not engaged to Danny, she felt that she probably had license to call this woman, hot. However, she tried to shrug of these thoughts away, her new acquaintance was nothing but cordial to her, allowing her to tag along in this drive.

“Check the thermos at the cup holder near the stick, cupcake. I made some coffee for you.” Carmilla murmured as she kept her attention to the road.

“Wow, thanks.” Laura moved to retrieve the thermos, carefully pouring herself a bit of coffee on the cover that eventually acts as a cup. She tried to make sure that none of the coffee would drop on the crisp leather interiors.

“I thought her name was Laura.” J.P. suddenly blurted out, Carmilla was unaware that he was paying attention all along.

“Yeah, of course she’s Laura. It’s just a nickname, like how your dad calls me Kitty, or how I call you J.P. or Jeep” Carmilla tried to explain, trying to catch a glimpse of J.P.’s reaction from the rear view mirror.

“Oh okay, so can I call you Cupcake too?” J.P. addressed the question at Laura.

Laura was a bit tentative in answering, so Carmilla interjected. “You can’t call her Cupcake, same way that you can’t call me Kitty. Okay?”

“Oh, so it’s a term of endearment? That’s what my dad says.” J.P. innocently asked.

Carmilla was caught a bit off guard with J.P.’s witty analogy. “Yes, I think it is.” Laura answered this time much to Carmilla’s embarrassment.

“So, are you just called J.P. or does J.P. stand for something else?” Laura noticed Carmilla’s awkwardness so she tried to lighten the mood.

“J is for Jean and P is for Paul. I’m named after Jean-Paul Starter!” The five year old exclaimed.

“It’s Jean-Paul Sartre.” Carmilla corrected her nephew.

“What? You named your nephew after a French philosopher. I bet you had a lot to do with this Ms. Karnstein.” Laura chuckled.

“I was pretty much into existentialism when he was born, his father agreed anyway.” Carmilla defended.

“If you don’t mind me asking, where is the rest of his ‘parentage’?” Laura asked in a much lower voice.

“Hmm, he’s quite inquisitive, I’ll tell you later.” Carmilla whispered back. “Hey, Jeep, did you eat breakfast already?” Carmilla asked to distract her nephew.

“Dad made me breakfast, fruits and oats.” J.P. replied with a scowl as he petted a napping Angler who was lounged beside him at the backseat.

“Don’t worry, lunch will be better!” Carmilla chimed.

“So, you’ll be delivering the produce for next week then?” Carmilla spoke to a tall burly man.

Hans stood about 6’4” tall; he was one of the Karnstein’s dependable suppliers in the region. Hans was also of third generation of farmers in his family. Hans wore a worn flat cap, a tweed jacket over his navy shirt, worn out jeans and a pair of black rubber boots. He carefully loaded an ample amount of onions, carrots, cabbage, apricots, and plums and of course, beets at the back of the truck.

“Surely.” Hans tipped his flat cap towards Carmilla. “Here are the beets, Mattie said you might forget.” Hans muttered in a deep low voice, as he deposited a small sack of beets to the compartment.

“Thank you so much!” Carmilla shook Hans’ hands firmly.

“Thanks, Hans.” Laura waved as Hans disappeared back into the shed.

“Enjoy the rest of your stay, Laura!” Hans waved back before shutting the door of the shed.

“Now, where are J.P. and Angler?” Carmilla looked over the truck for her nephew.

She went around the truck and saw J.P. just a few meters off the dirt road, chasing some butterflies with Angler in the nearby field. To Laura’s surprise, Carmilla placed her thumb and index finger of her right hand together, placed it in her mouth and whistled loudly at J.P. and Angler. This caught the duo’s attention and they headed back towards Carmilla’s direction.

“Well, that’s impressive.” Laura commented.

“Always gets their attention.” Carmilla smirked.

“I never learned to do something like that.” Laura pointed out.

“It’s easy just position your fingers right here, at the tip of your tongue, and then you blow hard.” Carmilla tried to re-enact to illustrate the process to Laura. However, Laura was just focusing on Carmilla’s tongue and fingers, suggestive thoughts entering her mind.

“Try it.” Carmilla urged Laura, breaking her musing. Laura tried to following Carmilla’s instructions but to no avail.

“Damn, I probably need to learn those tongue bending skills.” Laura joked, eventually causing Carmilla to blush, the same suggestive thoughts clouding her mind.

* * *

Just a few kilometers off Hans’ farm, Carmilla drove the truck into another dirt road. If the vehicle was shiny that morning, it was certainly bathing in dust after a few hours. It was almost lunchtime and no one else in the truck was more excited than J.P. Just a few meters ahead of them, Laura can already spot the carefully manicured expanse of the vineyard. The grapevines were aligned in such precision as if lines were drawn on the ground before the trellis were set up. As they neared the end of the trail, a stone manor stood at the foot of the mountains. Its tall hip roofing were made of reddish clay shingles and the walls were made of light stone. Two small turrets flanked the main hall of the manor. The surroundings were rich in vegetation; exotic birds chirped from the nearby aviary as they approached the driveway.

A lithe female figure emerged from the threshold to greet them. She had straight dark brown hair that fell to her shoulders, thin perfectly trimmed eyebrows, thin lips and soft features. She wore a black turtleneck, a pink short-sleeved padded vest, dark jeans, and a pair of tan fur-lined laced up winter boots.

As soon as Carmilla was able to park the truck, J.P. jumped out of the vehicle with Angler in tow.

“Elle! Elle!” J.P. almost tackled the woman as he ran for a hug. Angler’s tail would not stop wagging.

“It’s nice to see you, J.P.” the woman greeted back, ruffling the boy’s hair.

Carmilla and Laura slowly approached the group, Laura intentionally walking behind Carmilla before introductions were made. Based on J.P.’s reaction, Laura could tell that this woman was probably a close friend or relative of the Karnsteins.

“Hey” Carmilla greeted the grinning woman with a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek as soon as J.P. let go of her.

“You’ve haven’t dropped by in weeks.” Elle whispered to Carmilla’s ear giving her another hug.

The two women looked intently at each other for a while until Carmilla realized that Laura was still behind her, waiting to be introduced.

“I’m actually here with a guest, Laura Hollis, meet Elle Sheridan. Laura is from Graz, I’m showing her around as we finish some errands.” Carmilla made the introduction, pulling Laura beside her.

Laura moved forward to shake Elle’s hand. “Pleased to meet you.”

“Glad to meet you too, Carmilla does not usually bring guests over, but Mattie does sometimes, for wine tasting that is.” Elle replied with a sweet smile.

“Elle’s family owns this vineyard; this manor has been with her family since the 19th century. They supply the wine at the lodge and also at other food and beverage establishments in the region.” Carmilla shared.

“You have a lovely property here.” Laura was just at awe.

“Thank you; are you here for some wine tasting, Laura?” Elle inquired as they entered the vestibule.

“Well, Carmilla invited me to visit a vineyard, but seems like we’re the only guests here. I’m quite surprised if this turns out to be an exclusive wine tasting.” Laura said nervously.

“Elle typically pre-arranges events when people visit, but I think she’ll make an exception for us. We practically grew up together.” Carmilla stated matter of factly, putting an arm over Elle’s shoulder.

Laura can tell that these two were probably very good friends, possibly even more than friends based on their body language. Maybe Elle was Carmilla’s girlfriend; any flirtatious account between her and Carmilla had probably been just some friendly banter. Laura should stop overthinking things, she should even stop thinking at all, and she is engaged for crying out loud. Whatever is between Elle and Carmilla should even be out of the question.

“But before anything else, I think it’s time for lunch.” Elle called out and J.P. had never been happier.

* * *


	4. Seemingly Harmless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second half of Carmilla, Laura, and J.P.'s day trip with Angler in tow. Things start to move forward but then maybe just a few steps back.

Elle served them lunch at the manor’s covered terrace. They sat on heavy wooden benches on each side and the food was served on a wide pine wood table. Carmilla sat beside J.P. to assist her nephew in eating, Laura had no choice but to sit beside Elle. Angler was also fed just a few meters away from the dining area. The veranda opened into a luscious garden lined by wrought iron bar height tables where group wine tastings are often held. The group shared a hearty meal of sausages, spring asparagus and plum jam turnovers for dessert.

After lunch, J.P. continued to venture into the garden with Angler in tow. The adults stayed in the veranda as Elle took out some wine bottles to commence with the wine tasting for Laura.

“Aromatic whites are famous in this region” Elle began as she poured some clear liquid into the stemware. “This is what we call Morillon, its local Chardonnay.”

Elle and Laura went over the typical wine tasting etiquette, the appreciation of color and particles, and the scent and figuring out the key ingredients and even the container where wine is aged and finally the tasting and the appreciation of the texture. Laura was able to flavor the entire gamut of white wines from Pinot Blanc to Traminer, to Gelber Muskateller and Sauvignon Blanc. They finally ended with Schilcher, a rather spicy and racy type of rosé. Carmilla observed silently in the periphery, claiming that she would not join the activity since she is driving with her nephew in tow.

After a few moments, Elle stood up and excused herself claiming that she needed to secure the packaging for Mattie’s order for the lodge.

Finally, being alone with Carmilla and having some wine in her system, Laura was a little bold in prying about J.P.’s parentage. “So, earlier, you told me that you’ll discuss J.P.’s other parent?”

Looking that her nephew is out of earshot and is still busy with Angler, Carmilla answered Laura’s question. “Well, Will was never proud about this but when people ask, he never hesitates to answer. So, Will actually did not pursue going to college mainly because of J.P. After I dropped out and we all eventually became parents-less, Will got his high school girlfriend, Natalie pregnant. We saw it as some sort of a blessing, losing loved ones but then eventually gaining one. Natalie and Will worked it out until J.P. was born; Will was already working full-time with Mattie at the lodge when I got home. Then, after everything they had been through, Natalie simply upped and left Will claiming that she still wanted to pursue her dreams in life and being a young parent was not part of it. Long story short, her family sent her to a university in Germany, Will got full custody of J.P. and we haven’t heard from Natalie ever since.” Carmilla recounted.

“So, J.P. has never asked about his mom?” Laura asked.

“Well, he did ask questions, Will is slowly explaining things to him without making his mother look bad. Not all sisters say this but I’m proud to say that my brother’s a great guy. If anything, I think he’s still in love with Natalie, hoping that someday she’ll wake up from her haze and would come home to her family. Will has never dated since then and he’s only 27, he’s just so focused at the lodge and with J.P. Especially, now that J.P.’s going to start with school next year.” Carmilla shared.

“Ow, we’re just about the same age.” Laura remarked.

“And you’re engaged.” Laura took note of how Carmilla stressed those words.

“Will still has time. If not, he has you guys.” Laura commented.

“Mattie and I try to help as much as we can, trying to co-parent with Will. Sometimes, even Elle helps out, that’s why J.P. loves her so much.” Carmilla explained.

“How about you? Do you love her too?” Laura was shocked by her sudden confidence to ask such a question; she hopes that Carmilla would not get offended with her teasing. Probably, the wine was already kicking in. Usually people spit the wine out when tasting, but Laura thinks that that is just a waste.

“Pardon? What gives you that idea?” Laura was thankful for Carmilla’s rather polite reply.

“I just think I know attraction when I see one. I felt the vibes there.” Laura teased but this left a bittersweet taste in her mouth.

“Well, Elle is a childhood friend, we’re really close.” Carmilla tried to dodge Laura’s interrogation.

“Really? You haven’t even tried something?” Laura shook her head in disbelief.

“I know what you mean, things could have been easy, and people we know would tell us. She’s beautiful, I’m kinda okay, we’re been in each other’s lives in a long time, so why not give it a shot?” Carmilla went on.

“Yeah, why not give it shot? Plus, you’re not just “okay looking”, Carm. You’re gorgeous, do you see yourself?” Laura corrected, still stunned by where her boldness was coming from.

“Okay, gosh, I don’t know why I’m telling you this and all my family’s history. I have only known you for days.” Carmilla speculated.

“I have that effect on people, plus, I studied to be a journalist, duh. I ask questions and then I get answers.” Laura jested.

“Alright then, you’ll probably forget about it anyway with so much information cooped up in your head.” Carmilla chuckled. “I tried, I did try, but guess what, Elle is as straight as a matchstick. Did I answer your question?” Carmilla revealed.

“But the vibes I’m getting, your interaction…” Laura tried to piece things together.

“Of course, we do love each other but I suppose as very good friends. Plus, Elle travels a lot, she meets different people. Even if she does realize some things about herself in the future, we did settle that it’s not going to be me. Okay?” Carmilla elucidated.

Before Laura could answer, Elle had already walked in on them in the middle of their banter.

“Oh, did Laura ask if we were together?” Elle threw the question as if she has heard it so many times from people already.

“Yes, yes she did.” Carmilla answered with a wide smile.

“We tried, honey, but I guess we were not meant to be.” Elle emphasized with much enthusiasm. “I was even about to ask if you two were together, Carmilla does not usually bring strangers here especially on her day off.”

Laura almost choked on her own spit. “Oh, how did you get that idea?”

“My friend here is a recluse, she’s typically alone in her kitchen and she does not easily open up to people. Even more so volunteering to give you a guided tour, that’s just a little too maverick for her.” Elle went on and on; Carmilla could not even look at Laura.

“Has she ever made any exceptions?” Laura enquired, a little too naïve for her own liking.

“Oh, sweetie, you are the exception.” Elle confirmed with a sweet smile.

* * *

Carmilla and Elle supervised Elle’s staff as they closely loaded and secured wine crates on Carmilla’s truck. Laura was a few meters away watching J.P. as he and Angler played a game of catch in the garden.

“So, really what’s the deal with Ms. Hollis?” Elle probed her friend making sure that her voice was not above a whisper.

“What’s wrong with you people? Everybody has been asking about the same thing. Can’t I just be friendly with someone for one second?” Carmilla tried to contain her annoyance but she knew that Elle only meant well.

“Maybe because you don’t easily open up to people and this is kinda strange behavior coming from you?” Elle directed it as a question. “I know you, Carm. You don’t curve easily but you wear your heart on your sleeve.” Elle declared without even looking at Carmilla; she pretended to focus her full attention on her staff.

“Is it that obvious?” Carmilla whined.

“Just be careful, you know she’s taken.” Elle advised draping an arm over Carmilla’s shoulders.

“I know that perfectly well, it’s just, I haven’t talked to someone so easily outside from my family. Well, except for you and that eccentric writer at the lodge and you’re family actually.” Carmilla explained.

“I know that I’m close enough to be treated as family.” Elle beamed at her friend. “I just don’t want you to get hurt over nothing.” Elle whispered.

“I know my boundaries, Elle. After all, she’s leaving in a few days; just give me this moment to sham myself.” Carmilla chuckled at her admission.

“So, it’s just a small crush?” Elle confirmed.

“Just a petty crush.” Carmilla muttered. “It will go away as soon as Laura does.”

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Elle crossed her arms.

“Doing what?” Carmilla raised an eyebrow.

“Torturing yourself, pining over someone you know you’ll never get the chance to be with.” Elle expounded.

“Your point exactly.” Carmilla pointed out. “Because it’s impossible, because it’s unattainable.” She continued.

“What’s the point of all that?” Elle challenged.

“Because no one deserves any of this.” Carmilla pointed at herself.

“You’re being ridiculous; you know very well that if I felt more for you I could have snatched you up in a heartbeat.” Elle countered.

“But you didn’t.” Carmilla teased.

“Because I couldn’t, because I fancy sausages over pastry.” Elle laughed at her own humor. “But if circumstances were different, we could have been married by now.”

“Really?” Carmilla leered at her friend. She would like to cling on every word that Elle said but she knew well enough that her friend was just trying to make her feel better.

“But on the second thought, perhaps not. Actually, I’m more of a monarch butterfly and you are a tortoise.” Elle professed.

“Whatever does that mean?” Carmilla snickered out of confusion.

“Monarch butterflies migrate for most of their lifetime; I’m a free-spirit, if not for this vineyard, I shouldn’t have come back.” Elle replied. “You, you carry your home on your back and you never part from it, it’s actually part of your body. Plus, you move awfully slowly.” Elle teased.

“Sometimes it actually still baffles me how I fell for your charms before.” Carmilla disputed.

“I’m irresistible darling; you know it in your heart.” Elle winked.

“Well, I did not have a lot of choices back then, come to think of it.” Carmilla quipped.

Elle gave her a playful shove causing Carmilla to lose her balance and for Laura to notice the spirited banter between the two.

* * *

As soon as the trio left the Sheridan vineyard, they passed through another dirt path. Laura noticed the wooden signs that pointed towards “Lustig Lake” scattered at different points on the road. There were a few random stone houses along the way, located next to small vegetable gardens and farmlands. Laura had spotted the mountain range enveloped by a thick lining of pine trees not so far from their current position.

As they drove carefully, Laura would notice Carmilla decrease her speed as they passed by bikers along the path. She observed that Carmilla was simply being polite as not to veil the bikers with a cloud of dust coming from the dirt road. J.P. and Angler were just busy admiring the countryside with their heads by the open window.

“There are a lot of bikers along this path.” Laura pointed out.

“Yeah, Lake Lustig is a county park, cross-country cyclists and sports enthusiasts would often visit the terrain to train or just to see the lake.” Carmilla enlightened. “Have you tried biking, cupcake?”

“I have a bike.” Laura answered coyly.

“Ow, so you have a mountain bike?” Carmilla asked without taking her eyes off the road.

“No, nothing that extreme. I just cycle in the city to get around; I’m pretty much into bike safety. City cycling is different to extreme sports; I think I can’t handle this terrain.” Laura explained.

“Me either, I’m not really a fan of extreme sports.” Carmilla jibed.

“Yeah, I think we have a lot in common.” Laura gazed at the side of Carmilla’s face. Carmilla focused on the path before them. Both of them did not realize that J.P. had noticed their interaction from the back seat.

* * *

“Do you find my aunt attractive?” J.P. and Laura were now skipping stones at the edge of Lustig Lake; Angler was lounging near J.P.’s feet.

Lustig Lake was known for its greenish waters, at spring the lake would reflect an emerald green hue as the mountain caps melt, the clear water seeps into the lake. The lake supports life for various fauna such as snails, small crabs, and even various species of trout. It was recently turned into a county park but strict rules on fishing, picnics, and swimming are being implemented to preserve the lake. During winter, the lake is sometimes used as a venue to local water sports events.

Laura’s fascination of the site was interrupted by J.P.’s sudden question. “Huh?” Laura looked around and noticed that Carmilla was fiddling with something back at the truck out of hearing range.

“Dad says sometimes some people of the same age find each other attractive. Do you think Aunt Milla is attractive?” J.P. repeated his question.

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Laura tried to level her thoughts with the five-year-old. 

“Dad says sometimes boys find girls attractive and vice-versa also sometimes boys can find boys attractive and girls can also find girls attractive like Aunt Mattie does with Ms. Perry at the lodge.” J.P. explained nonchalantly as he continued to pick up stones.

“You’re dad does tell you a lot of things.” Laura chuckled just learning about Carmilla’s equally enigmatic sister and the cheery Perry.

“Well, he’s my dad, I’m supposed to learn from him before I go to school, he says. Dad says when a person finds another person attractive they just look at them a certain way different from how they look at other people. There’s this girl, Rachel, Mrs. Harmon’s granddaughter, they live next door. I think she’s attractive because I like looking at her like Aunt Mattie looks at Ms. Perry sometimes. I saw you looking at Aunt Milla at the car. So, do you find her attractive? Dad says it’s called a crush.” Laura was a bit taken aback with so many ideas that the little boy had. Children really have no filters, so if you want to know the truth, it is quite evident in a child’s perspective. Lying to J.P. also wasn’t an option, she knew that the child was rather emphatic for his age.

Laura shook her head, Will seems has a lot on his plate having such an inquisitive child. “What do you think?” Laura threw the question back at him instead.

“I think you find her attractive but you’re just shy like my Aunt Mattie. I’m shy too, I look at Rachel but I don’t talk to her.” J.P. quipped before he threw the stone that he held in his tiny hand.

“Well, I think you’re right.” Laura mumbled, now confused by her sudden realization due to J.P.’s candor.

At that point, J.P. wasn’t even paying attention at her, he continued to skip stones and he leaped triumphantly once he gathered that the last flat stone he threw skipped four times on the water’s surface.

“Great job!” Laura patted his back, the boy beamed at her. Laura discerned that J.P. wasn’t only good at skipping stones, he was great at reading through people as well.

* * *

Carmilla tried to tighten the ropes that held the wine crates and the other produce together; their cargo had shifted after they had traversed the rough road towards the lake. After doing so, she eventually decided to join Laura and her nephew.

“What has he been telling you?” Carmilla taunted as she as she was beside Laura and J.P.

“Nothing, it’s a secret.” J.P. blurted out as he saw his aunt.

“You’re keeping secrets from me now? I thought we had no secrets.” Carmilla teased her nephew.

“It’s about our crushes!” J.P. cried before he ran towards the other direction with Angler in tow.

“Don’t go too far!” Carmilla called behind J.P. as he acknowledged her with a nod. He picked up a twig and started playing fetch with Angler again. “And what about these crushes?” Carmilla directed the question at Laura now.

“Well, I feel like I shouldn’t break his trust.” Laura goaded looking at J.P.’s direction.

“Suit yourself, I’ll find out eventually.” Carmilla countered.

“Oh well, just about laws of attraction that his father told him. Told me something about his pretty neighbor and something about Mattie and Perry.” Laura decided to leave herself out of it.

“Oh, so he told you about Rachel.” Carmilla already knew about J.P.’s little crush from his father. Laura gave a sly nod. “Also, Will keeps on speculating about Mattie and Perry. He often prods his child to join his bandwagon. Mattie hates it but we know better, also, don’t tell her that.” Carmilla chuckled.

“So, you’re on this boat as well?” Laura raised an eyebrow,

“You could cut through the sexual tension between them but given their work relationship, Mattie just wants to keep it professional.” Carmilla elucidated.

“I think J.P. should not go around talking about his aunt to strangers then.” Laura quipped.

“Oh, usually he’s quite shy and reserved. Maybe he just doesn’t see you as a stranger anymore, that’s why he’s so open. He has already warmed up to you after a day.” Carmilla emphasized.

“Good thing I’m harmless then.” Laura sniggered.

“Of course you are, why else would I invite you to tag along? Karnsteins have good gut-feelings though we don’t trust easily.” Carmilla enlightened giving Laura an earnest smile.

Carmilla just hoped that this would be as harmless as she thought it would be.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's another update for this story. Thank you for appreciating this story as well, it will be paced faster than my other stories. Please let me know what you think.


	5. Pragmatism and Superstition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla bond in a deeper level; they discover more interesting facts about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking around for this, here's another chapter!

* * *

It was rather a bit late when Carmilla parked her truck in the garage of the Karnstein Lodge. Most of the guests had already retreated to their quarters. The dinner service most likely was over but Carmilla hoped that Will had set aside some portions for her and Laura. They stopped at a café along the way; they had so _buchteln_ , some sweet rolls filled with apricot jam with a side of vanilla sauce. But due to the long day, the sugary buns weren’t enough to satiate Carmilla’s hunger. J.P. was already sleeping soundly beside a rather calm Angler. The duo were quite silent during the rest of the drive back; Carmilla tried to focus on the road and Laura simply listened to the radio fighting off sleep. Laura tried to be polite trying not to fall asleep, so halfway through the ride; she tried to engage Carmilla in some conversation. They talked about trivial things mostly; the experiences they had at university, their likes and dislikes, and the places Laura had been to. Laura gave detailed accounts on the food that she had sampled in Naples, Amsterdam, and Paris. Carmilla listened intently, trying to note down the specifics in her mind. Though it seemed that they had covered many shared personal interests like their common taste for classical guitar music and an eclectic selection of uncanny foreign films; Carmilla had noted that Laura shared only glimpses of her personal life, her fiancée in particular. If Carmilla was just word-vomiting regarding her family’s history, Laura was quite aloof when it came to this topic. Carmilla decided not to speculate any further, after all, realizing the short span of time that they had known each other, probably; Laura was not as open as she was.

As soon as the truck was brought to a halt, Laura took off her seatbelt and hopped off the vehicle. Likewise, Carmilla headed towards the back seat to release Angler, who was anxious to pee and she went to gather her sleeping nephew in her arms. As Carmilla lifted J.P., he remained soundly asleep stirring lightly simply to rest his head over his aunt’s shoulders.

“Can I help you with anything?” Laura whispered.

“We’ll be fine, I’ll just take J.P. inside. Will and I will unload the supplies later, no need to stress. Remember, you’re still our lodger.” Carmilla and Laura entered at the back of the house. “Usually, we don’t allow guests here but you’ll be walking all the way to the main entrance and this is a faster route.” Laura simply nodded in agreement.

There was an entry point from the garage leading towards the neatly stacked storage room adjoining the kitchen. Laura was amazed at the cleanliness and orderliness of the stock room; she scanned around the dimly lit room.

“Oh, Lola does the inventory with Mattie, she always sees to it that the stock room is made up. A place for everything and everything in its place, she always says.” Carmilla mumbled as she opened the door that led to the kitchen.

The kitchen was empty but the lights were still on. All the plates, cups, saucers, and cutlery were washed and dried. The countertops were clean but Carmilla noticed a pan inside the warming oven.

“If ever you’re still hungry, come find me here, I suppose Will has some leftovers.” Carmilla told Laura, adjusting J.P. over her shoulder.

“Sure, thank you.” Laura replied meekly. “But I’ll go check on Danny first, she must be wondering where I went though she usually lets me be.” Carmilla timidly smiled at Laura, she was again reminded of her status, and she had a fiancée waiting for her.

As they exited the kitchen, the softly lit dining hall came into view. On the far end, in one of the booths Laura spotted Will sharing a drink with one of the guests.

“It’s about time you joined us!” Will greeted jovially lifting a glass of wine towards his sister.

“Shush, your son’s already asleep.” Carmilla reproached her brother as she got nearer to the booth with J.P. in her arms.

Will just flashed a submissive grin as Carmilla tucked the sleeping J.P. in the adjacent booth, J.P. did not stir, and he was indeed a heavy sleeper.

Carmilla then realized that Laura was still standing behind her and Laf sat silently in the booth.

“Ow, sorry for being rude, Laura Hollis meet LaFontaine, they’re one of our regular guests.” Carmilla moved so that Laura can approach the booth to shake LaFontaine’s hand.

“I suppose the pleasure’s all mine.” Laf stood up to shake Laura’s hand.

“Pleasure to meet you, LaFontaine as in S.LaFontaine?” Laura gave Carmilla a knowing look.

“Have you heard of me from somewhere?” Laf confirmed with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, I just thought it was a pen name but I suppose you are actually S.LaFontaine. I would probably say I’m a fan. Who doesn’t like romance, drama, and thriller clumped up in one book? I’ve read some of your novels.” Laura explained meekly. “I’m partial to you if you make me choose between you and Anne Rice.”

“Which one is your favorite?” Laf asked to confirm Laura’s claim.

“ _Dreams Come Through Stone Walls_.” Laura replied right away.

“Interesting choice.” Laf scratched their chin.

“You will think me cruel, very selfish, but love is always selfish; the more ardent the more selfish…” Laura began quoting a line from the abovementioned novel.

“…How jealous I am you cannot know. You must come with me, loving me, to death; or else hate me and still come with me, and hating me through death and after. There is no such word as indifference in my apathetic nature.” Laf finished the line with a smile.

“Not every day that Laf meets a fan.” Will interrupted.

“I read it last year, though I enjoyed the others too. I enjoyed _The Gothic Chapel_ and _Life and Death are Mysterious Sates._ Though I really appreciate the queer undertones in _Dreams Come Through Stone Walls._ ” Laura added, quite excited to meet one of her favorite authors.

“Well, thank you so much for appreciating my work.” Laf bowed.

“Well, you have blessed your readers with such talent. Is there a muse behind all these if I may know?” Laura queried.

“No such thing as a singular muse for me. People I meet inspire me, most of the characters are bits and pieces of everyone. Though I hibernate up here if I need an unobtrusive environment, the city can be such a restless wiseacre.” Laf replied.

“Oh, I think I do understand that, sometimes just thinking back there can get too loud.” Laura chuckled softly.

“It’s getting a bit late and these two need to clean up here a bit. I just accompanied William here for a while. How about I pick your mind over coffee sometime, Ms. Hollis?” Laf offered.

“You can call me Laura actually and I will be very pleased with the idea. I’m still around for the next couple of days, as long as you sign the book I brought with me.” Laura beamed.

“It would indeed be a pleasure. Well then, good night for now, everyone.” Laf exited the booth and headed towards the accommodations.

“I think I better head to my room, too.” Laura recalled what she was about to do.

“Just come down if you’re hungry or we can send up food for you.” Carmilla reminded her.

“Yeah, which reminds me I have leftover _steirisches wurzelfleisch,_ I kept it warm!” Will announced softly as not to wake his son. Laura just gave them a baffled look.

“It’s just pork pot roast made of pork neck and belly filet with grated apple, horseradish, and potatoes. It’s a Styrian staple and Will’s specialty.” Carmilla explained.

“Hmm, that does sound great. Anyway, I’ll holler or I’ll be back then, thank you so much.” Laura answered as she exited the dining hall jogging towards her room.

The siblings had lingering looks as Laura left the dining hall.

“Well, I think we should be out of your hair then before she returns.” Will joked.

“Stop it, William! If that is what’s you’re thinking, nothing is going to happen. The woman is engaged for crying out loud.” Carmilla razzed back.

“Take note, she’s engaged, not married.” Will emphasized.

“Whatever.” Carmilla tried to dismiss her brother.

“Hey, Kitty, I know this is hard for you, thinking about us all the time. You should stop worrying about us and start worrying about yourself. Take some risks, live a little.” Will’s tone was more serious now.

“What are you talking about?” Carmilla acted as if she didn’t know what he meant but deep inside she knew what Will had always been telling her. When Natalie left Will and J.P., Carmilla and Mattie were there to support their brother. But after several years, Will had been prompting her to chase after her own dreams. Will and Mattie knew perfectly well that Carmilla was not bound to live a life just dedicated to the Karnstein Lodge. She needed some time for herself, she needed to see the world, and she needed some adventure to really figure out what she wanted. Mattie was the one devoted to the lodge, Will was focused on raising his child, but Carmilla was a different case. She had put everything in her life on hold for her loved ones. She could go to the university again, she could further her culinary career, she could take some time off, and Will had always reminded her of that. However, it had remained as the farthest thing from her mind, her own goals, her own happiness.

“You know what I’m talking about. What are you waiting for?” Will prompted.

“I don’t know, Will. I think I’m quite content.” Carmilla supposed.

“You haven’t even tried anything else yet. Really, there’s no other thing that you would want to do?” Will chided.

“I don’t know, I suppose I saved up enough for that trip.” Carmilla mumbled. It was known to her siblings that Carmilla had always wanted to travel outside of Styria. She wanted to visit various culinary centers such as Paris, Valois, Tuscany, Barcelona, Istanbul, Kyoto, Bangkok, Singapore, and Taipei to name a few of the possible places in her list.

“If you’re concerned about the lodge, I’m here to defend the fort.” Will placed a hand over his sister’s shoulder.

“It’s not just that, Will.” Carmilla took a deep breath. “I know you can perfectly handle things around here even if you don’t always see eye to eye with Mattie. It’s just that I’m actually more scared for myself.” Carmilla huffed.

“What?” Will was exasperated. “You’re the toughest person I know!”

“Well, I hope I have the same faith in myself.” Carmilla puffed.

“Stop overthinking, Kitty. Just do it!” Will encouraged. “Remember how scared I was when Nat left J.P. to me, I was honestly ready to run at that point but you guys were there and you all took the plunge with me. I know it took a village to raise him but each day I ask myself, ‘what if I ran away?’ Then I could have missed the greatest thing that ever happened in my life. When I was younger, my friends dreamed of becoming fighter plane pilots, actors, structural engineers; none of them wanted to stay here as farmers or traders or simply just to have a family. I may not have a typical family of my own but I have J.P. and I have you and Mattie. Then it finally sunk in, I may not be outstanding at it and I may not have initially dreamed about it, but here I am, doing my best as a father.” Will was close to tears now.

“Stop being so damn sappy! How many drinks have you had?” Carmilla punched her brother lightly on his bicep.

“I’m not drunk, Kitty, I’m perfectly aware that I’ll be driving my son home and unloading your truck in a while. But, seriously, just give yourself a chance, okay? You really deserve it.” Will gave her a side hug.

“Alright, I’ll think about it.” Carmilla finally acquiesced.

Will flashed her an endearing smile, the siblings were quiet for a while.

“So, how was my little wingman?” Will teased on a lighter tone.

“Gah, what have you been telling your child? I suppose I should take back what I said. You really don’t deserve father of the year.” Carmilla scoffed.

“Did he tell you about the laws of attraction?” Will chuckled as he moved to collect his son’s sleeping form.

“Stop teaching your child utter nonsense!” Carmilla poked Will on his rib as he headed back towards the supply room.

* * *

Laura was on her way up to her room when Lola looked up from the reception desk to notice her arrival.

“Uhm, Ms. Hollis, I suppose I have a message for you.” Lola called after Laura’s retreating form.

When Laura noticed that the receptionist was calling her attention, she took a few steps back to approach her.

“Oh, thank you.” Laura mumbled.

“Ms. Lawrence called, she left you a note. She told me that she couldn’t reach you by mobile and instructed me to remind you to contact her immediately upon your arrival.” Lola explained.

“Is anyone from Graz Media group already back?” Laura inquired with furrowed brows.

“I suppose they had been caught up with some work and are currently spending the night at Silas Hotel. I believe Ms. Lawrence had left you some explanation.” Lola handed Laura a note.

Laura quickly read the note in front of a concerned Lola. 

The note read:

 _“Laura, we are currently staying at Silas for two more nights since there will be an emergency planning meeting to attend to, to fix some logistical issues. It would be such a hassle to go back to the lodge and return on site once again given the conditions of the shoot. I’m sorry, I hope you would be able to go around on your own and enjoy the sites like you always do. I could not contact you through your phone, I hope you are okay, inform me once you receive this. Let me know if you need anything.”_ The note from Danny had ended; Laura crumpled the note with a disappointed look. They have been to some removed areas maybe she lost reception earlier but she was too busy to mind that. It was always the same way; she’ll tag along some shoot, Danny would promise her that they would spend some time together, something eventually goes wrong and then she ends up alone venturing a new place or stuck inside the hotel room.

“Can I help you with anything else, Ms. Hollis?” Lola gave her a pitiful look.

“Nothing more, thank you. I think I’ll find my way.” Laura tossed the note to the nearest trash bin and headed back towards the dining hall, not bothering to call Danny anymore.

* * *

William had left with J.P. and Angler just a few moments ago but suddenly Carmilla heard some footsteps coming from the dining hall. She was sensibly pouring herself a glass of wine prior to enjoying the leftovers that Will had reserved for her. As she peeped through the kitchen window, she recognized Laura’s approaching form.

“In here, Cupcake.” Carmilla called out.

Laura entered the kitchen with furrowed brows and a pout. Carmilla moved to prepare another portion of the pork pot roast for Laura.

“That was rather fast, going to your room and back.” Carmilla tried to lighten the mood.

“I’ve never reached my room.” Laura mumbled.

“Pardon?” Carmilla just raised an eyebrow at her.

“Danny’s not back yet, rest of the team included, they’re stuck in Silas or whatever, some last minute stuff.” Laura’s thoughts were fragmented. “Can I have some wine too?” Laura added.

Carmilla sensed that this was not the first time that this happened since Laura was so annoyed.

“This isn’t the first time, isn’t it?” Carmilla inquired as she poured a glass of wine for Laura.

“It has always been this way for quite some time.” Laura muttered. “Thank you.” She added as Carmilla shoved the wine goblet towards her.

“I’m not really sure I follow.” Carmilla was baffled.

“With Danny, it has always been this way with Danny!” Laura was restless now. “She would always invite me to tag along, implies that we will have some time together after work but it had always been this way. Something comes up, they would have a muddled schedule, and I would get left behind in some hotel or end up venturing on my own.” Laura continued.

“Seems to me that you don’t enjoy being alone much?” Carmilla slurred mindlessly.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not that type of person. I can go grocery shopping alone or go to a spa alone, it’s just that I have someone now but I still keep on doing most things alone and these are some of the memorable things.” Laura noted.

“Solitude is indeed good sometimes; glad to hear that, you don’t really strike me as someone who is overly dependent on other people.” Carmilla shared.

“Actually, I was fine being alone at first. Being an only child, I got used to doing stuff by myself. But when Danny came along, we started to plan things. We decided to do most things together, to see the world together, but who was to say that I would see the details all by myself most of the time.” Laura spoke dejectedly.

Carmilla took a sip of her drink and pursed her lips. She felt like Laura was not yet done speaking, so she just let her.

“Well, I always had this thought that being with someone might actually be like being alone at times but never having to be lonely. I just want to be alone with her.” Laura added in a huff.

“Then what’s stopping you? Go tell her.” Carmilla finally commented.

“You should know that I tried that many times, but I don’t really think she takes me seriously.” Laura replied.

“If it bothers you, you should do something about it.” Carmilla wasn’t trying to tip the scale to her favor, but knowing that Laura’s relationship wasn’t as smooth sailing as it appears to be, she couldn’t help but feel upset about it. Well, she doesn’t know the entire picture yet, but she always trusted her gut and it’s telling her that Laura seems wounded as well.

“I don’t even understand what I’m talking about.” Laura laughed quietly. She actually knew the answer to her question a long time ago, she was just probably quiet afraid to accept it. Before Laura got into a serious relationship with Danny, she had an imaginary checklist and somehow Danny had fit the bill. She was caring, adventurous, tenacious, and to her credit attentive but not overprotective. But as time went by, Danny had morphed into a perplexing creature, she became gauche at times, callous whenever she prioritized her work over Laura, and as a result became unconcerned about many things. When she proposed to Laura, originally, Laura was a bit cautious upon realizing these changes. But if there’s one trait that Laura Hollis is not so proud of, it was that she was fiercely loyal to her handicap at most times, to the point that she got past through her issues with Danny and said ‘yes’. Laura hoped that she could still remedy their unspoken tension but instead of thinning it down, it had taken the shoddier state as of tonight and here she was seemingly pouring her heart out to a person she just met. Thought Laura could not help to be drawn towards Carmilla, she had that inscrutable yet surprisingly magnetic appeal to her.

At this point, Laura could feel that Carmilla was not much of a stranger anymore. Talking to her felt light, connecting with her seemed easy. Probably, it’s like that sometimes, we bond with people on a pragmatic level and later on in an esoteric level that we will soon recognize to evolve in most probably an ethereal level. Laura kept on reminding herself that she should not think of Carmilla in that manner, after all they just met and she was with Danny. Maybe her issues with Danny are just making her vulnerable, magnifying things with someone who is there now.

“You seem lost in thought, Cupcake.” Carmilla tried to catch Laura’s attention.

“Hey, Carm, do you believe in soul mates?” Laura just blurted out.

Carmilla was suddenly confused with the change of topic but answered her anyway. “Well, I used to think that it’s just a superstition, some thought to comfort those who feel lonely. It’s actually more reassuring to hold on to an idea where you are bound to instinctively connect with someone in a deep level but you just haven’t met them yet. Perhaps that’s better rather than facing the reality that when the rest of your family and friends will move one with their lives building homes with their respective soul mates who presumably would have the same taste, you’ll be stuck in a bungalow somewhere having to make all the paint and furniture selection all by yourself. So, if it means that I get to hold on to that thought to comfort myself for the rest of my tragic life then I’ll probably buy it.” Carmilla gave Laura a wry smile.

“Hmm, that’s an interesting point. But I don’t fully agree with you, I think your soulmate is not necessarily going to be the same as you are. After all, if soul mates go in pairs, probably, you are designed to complement each other. Maybe you’ll disagree, maybe you’ll challenge each other but I suppose it’s someone who is bound to accept you and love you unconsciously without regrets.” Laura countered.

“The attraction of opposites?” Carmilla raised an eyebrow.

“So, if you are as decisive with your singularity most probably your soul mate is out there being as fickle-minded as they could get. How else will you recognize each other?” At this point, Laura wasn’t even sure if she was simply referring to the unknown or to someone else. 

“Seems like your beliefs are clear cut, presumably you have found your soul mate, cheers to that!” Carmilla raised her glass trying to hide her true feelings on the matter. 

“No regrets, I do hope I’m right though or else I’ll be stuck with the wrong paint color in my imaginary house in the near future and I would have to live with that atrocity for the rest of my life.” Laura scoffed as she raised her glass as well.

“You can easily go to the store and buy a bucket of paint, Cupcake. However, the person lying next to you every waking day is a different story. I’d rather be alone than make a mistake and rob someone else of their actual soul mate.” Carmilla clinked her glass with Laura’s.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lines borrowed from J. Sheridan Le Fanu
> 
> “You will think me cruel, very selfish, but love is always selfish; the more ardent the more selfish…” 
> 
> “…How jealous I am you cannot know. You must come with me, loving me, to death; or else hate me and still come with me, and hating me through death and after. There is no such word as indifference in my apathetic nature.”


	6. The Shroud of Your Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura struggles with some realizations and Carmilla keeps on holding herself back. It's a push-me, pull-me battlefield; how should it end?

* * *

Laura had awaken in the middle of the night, the side of the bed beside her icy and unrumpled. It is definitely hard to keep oneself warm when you are alone- she thought to herself. It is funny when the world remains in constant motion yet yours had just suddenly stopped. After her graduation and then her sudden engagement- her world just stopped. Years prior, she was so certain, so self-assured, she knew what she wanted; going back to school, getting a decent enough job, all of these while being with the person she loves. Now, everything seemed tangled; she could not decide whether she will leave Graz or settle with a local agency; after all, her mentor at the university had made a recommendation for her to work oversees. The job was in Boston, in an agency owned by her mentor’s friend, Laura was commended as a technical communication specialist. Obviously, she did not say ‘yes’ right away because she had already said ‘yes’ to something else. Given Danny’s nature of work, going a continent away might not be the best option after their engagement. Moving away meant moving her entire life to another part of the world. Laura grew up in Graz and with her parents no longer around, Danny was her only tether left to her home. Without Danny, Laura could might as well rebuild her life somewhere else. She kept on telling herself that she could afford a gap year, just until she figures out what she wants. The job offer would be able to wait a couple of months, initially she had no plans of taking it but now she keeps on thinking about it.

Laura had spent many desolate nights in hotel rooms imagining her life someplace else. _What if she chose differently?_ There were several ‘what ifs’ in her mind; she was never spontaneous, she was a planner, but so far her plans had never worked out. Losing her parents in different circumstances were unprompted and it changed her life immensely, so she planned everything the rest of her way. Enriching herself, meeting good people in her industry, choosing to be with Danny; everything made sense at first, until now.

Being a traveler to new places, Laura always took her time in noticing the subtle details. Danny was the ‘checklist type’; she would download a guide for tourists and try to fit all the sceneries in the number of days allotted for each place. In her mind, she would imagine photographs and would immediately get to work even if they were on vacation. In her imperativeness to capture everything in her camera, she would often miss the essential details such as Laura’s excitement, charming scenes care of random passers-by, or minor amusing details such as a flock of birds who refuse to fly away after Laura has attempted to chase them away. Laura was happy that Danny was so passionate with her work; but she was glued to either her viewfinder or phone. Monetizing her art was Danny’s recent obsession; they used to take photographs together or sometimes she steals shots of Laura’s random moods. Now, she had given Laura her own camera, encouraging her to take photographs whenever Danny could not stick around. Laura tries to carry that small camera around but she often gets distracted pondering on a scenery at the actual moment forgetting that she had a camera with her in the first place. All Laura seemed to do now was to help Danny lug her camera equipment around. These were not mini-vacations anymore, these were work trips and Laura just happened to be there.

In the past, Laura got used to wandering around alone, especially when Danny worked for many days. She never expected however that a small region like Styria would lure her into the company of others, referring to a particular black-haired woman. Laura met many fellow tourists, interesting strangers with whom she had shared afternoon coffee with or a bus ride but all these people were transitory. However, looking back at today’s trip, she simply felt so relaxed with Carmilla and her family. She is not sure if it was the rural-folk charm that had drawn her to them or perhaps Carmilla’s unfathomable exterior, hospitality, and undivided attention. She knew that she had been yearning for attention, especially with the lack of it from Danny in the past few months. But if circumstances had been different, she would recognize her interest in Carmilla. Knowing her for the past few days seemed like they were old friends who were simply reconnecting, as if Laura is simply jogging around her memory trying to painstakingly remember the past and putting things together at present. Carmilla is like an enchanting book; drawing you more as you glide chapter after chapter revealing memories and emotional states that you knew you had but were locked up inside you somehow.

Laura laid in bed, willing certain feelings away. If Danny just came back and kept the other side of the bed warm to her comfort, Laura would not had stayed awake for another night deep in these thoughts. But Laura needed to accept that even if Danny was there, these thoughts about her life decisions and ambiguities remained and she had been having them three months ago.

* * *

Laura had a rough night, tossing and turning trying to drive herself to sleep. She left the lodge before the breakfast service was even available and went to sample a local coffee shop instead. Laura had some apple strudel and coffee; she really enjoyed sweets especially at breakfast. Since she was alone, Danny was not there to stop her from relishing this treat. She could not understand Danny’s mania for control sometimes and she detested it when Danny tried to regulate her small luxuries such as good food. She was unaccompanied now, no Danny to police her ways and no Carmilla to make her feel guilty of any of her actions. She needed this time to herself; she needed some space to clear her thoughts.

Laura ventured into the local museums, learning about Styrian artists from the 18th century up until the contemporary period. She also went into a black and white photography gallery, and a quaint contemporary art gallery cum wine tasting venue. Laura just drifted around the neighborhood on foot; observing the lives of her fellow pedestrians, such as children going to school, people doing their grocery shopping, or laid-back fellows enjoying their coffee outdoors while taking their time to read today’s paper.

Laura was a little bit exhausted by mid-afternoon, so she decided to head back to the Karnstein Lodge to possibly take a nap. There was no word from Danny if they were returning today; Laura wanted to avoid conflict as much as possible, so she thought it was best that she was back at the lodge by the time Danny returns. It was drizzling a little bit when Laura reached the lodge; she took time in wiping the soles of her boots at the foot rug by the entrance door. She wore a gray beanie, a sky blue windbreaker over her knitted jumper, dark denim pants, and a pair of boots. She had her head bowed down as she entered, as she looked up, she was surprised to unexpectedly spot a person she did not realize she actually had been avoiding. Aside from Danny, thoughts about Carmilla had perturbed Laura the previous night. She was quite muddled with her sudden attachment to the woman.

Laura thought of simply skipping pleasantries and simply rush back towards her room, after all, ‘out of sight, out of mind.’ However, she was being unfair to Carmilla, given that Carmilla had nothing but the best intentions but to be hospitable, she need not suffer on Laura’s behalf. In spite of everything, they ended the previous night in a good note, downing their dinner with a bottle of wine and good conversation before calling it a night.

Carmilla was manning the reception, initially, she was quite oblivious to Laura’s arrival. She was engrossed with her pocket book; she didn’t bother to look up from the paperback. Carmilla sat there with a dark blue blazer over her black shirt, probably just an attempt to hide her chef’s uniform as Lola took a break. Laura had decided to be less awkward and more mature about the entire situation, so she walked up to the reception counter. Carmilla was still reading, her lips were pressed together and her brows furrowed. _The Poetics of Space by Gaston Bachelard_ was written on the front cover of the pocket book.

“The house shelters daydreaming, the house protects the dreamer; the house allows one to dream in peace…” Carmilla suddenly read aloud, Laura was a bit stunned eliciting sudden interaction with Carmilla. “How was your stroll, Ms. Hollis?” Carmilla eventually looked up.

“Hey, sorry to disturb your peace, it’s drizzling a bit outside.” Laura uttered, patting on her slightly damp hair.

“I could have tracked you with an umbrella if I knew your itinerary.” Carmilla badgered.

“Yeah, I left a bit early, just thought of taking a walk.” Laura muttered.

“It’s quite a slow morning, some guests decided to sleep in. Plus, the media group is not back yet, though a call from Silas informed us that they’ll be back tomorrow by dinner.” Carmilla remarked nonchalantly.

“Any messages for me?” Despite her silence, Laura wondered if Danny called up to look for her after she just decided to text a short _I’m safe and I’ll be alright_ message late last night.

Carmilla fumbled with a few notes behind the counter and answered a quick, “None, sorry.”

“Thanks, I think I’ll be taking a nap for now.” Laura mumbled downheartedly, Carmilla noted the sudden change in demeanor.

“Well, just let us know if you need anything more, Laura.” Carmilla looked at her in concern.

As much as Laura was evading her for any deeper interaction, Carmilla woke up in quite a cagy mood as well. The previous day spent with Laura went well; it was in fact, great. However, she had also spent quite some time the previous night thinking about her actions as of late. _Was she interested in Laura?_ People did not only notice but called out her sudden attentiveness to their guest. Carmilla was aware of their circumstances; she was not the type to pursue her own interests at the expense of others. So, when she woke up this morning, she thought about retreating a bit. Laura was in fact a guest; she will be going away soon. Nevertheless, as she entered the kitchen that morning, Carmilla instinctively kept on peaking at the kitchen window trying to catch a glimpse of the familiar blonde-haired woman. However, as hours went by and there was no sign of Laura, she realized that she was acting unbecomingly. She volunteered taking Laura around the previous day, she decided to open up, and Laura had no obligation to follow up or respond to that courtesy in any way. Gathering that she was not entitled to any expectations, Carmilla robotically trooped to the reception after the breakfast service, allowing Lola to take a much-needed break. Little did she know that as soon as she had decided to shove Laura off her mind, she had come trudging through the door.

“Thank you, Carm.” Laura responded with a wry smile and just like that, Carmilla was once again open like a can of worms. The very mention of the nickname had her stumbling a few steps back once again.

“Hey, Laura, if you had nothing else to do tonight, may I invite you to go somewhere?” Carmilla felt like it was an out of body experience; her mouth was moving against her wits.

“Oh…where to?” Laura appeared tentative.

“Uhm, if you’re interested in Styrian night life, there’s this some sort of speakeasy that my friend owns. Some other friends perform there some nights.” Carmilla explained.

Laura stood idly for some time, seemingly in deep thought. “Okay, what time?” She finally spoke.

“I get to finish cleaning up at about 9:30; usually good things start to happen at about 10:00pm.”Carmilla revealed.

“Well, I’m not really definite if that’s reassuring but in most places bad things happen after 10:00 but I’ll take your word for it, I trust you.” Did Laura just wink at her? “What should I wear?”

“It’s more like a pub and it’s been chilly, just dress comfortably and warmly.” Carmilla replied with a grin that she was trying to suppress.

* * *

“It had been ages since I saw you all dolled up on a Friday night.” Mattie crossed her arms as she leaned by the doorjamb of her room; Carmilla just exited her own room. Mattie was in her sleepwear, an elegant set of cream-colored silk pajamas.

Managing the lodge was a full time job, so the sisters had taken quarters within the amenity leaving their childhood home in the care of Will. The sisters still maintained her rooms at their house but most of their day-to-day needs were kept in their lodge quarters. The other staff members were provided housing within the lodge as well, this included Lola and some of the other staff who didn’t live nearby.

Her sister caught Carmilla unaware, her flushed look just made her appear paler behind her ensemble of a black leather jacket, a white shirt, dark slim-fitting jeans and a pair of biker boots.

“Just hanging out at the Spielsberg.” Carmilla slurred trying to be dismissive of her sister.

“I know it’s none of my business but are you hanging out with Ms. Hollis, again?” Mattie probed.

“Just having a few drinks, Emily is playing tonight.” Carmilla tried to act indifferently. 

“You did not answer my question.” Mattie emphasized.

“Yeah, I invited her. Are we done with the inquisition?” Carmilla tried to act defiant.

“C’mon Carm, I don’t mean it that way. Even if we’re already adults with our own tangled lives, I’m still your older sister. I just worry you, you know.” Mattie placed a hand on Carmilla’s shoulder. “It’s just that Laura’s life looks complex, I don’t know what’s going with her but I can tell that she’s going through something. You are here living a quiet life, I just don’t know if you want to be dragged into some uncertainty. Plus, she’s our guest here, soon enough she’ll be off somewhere else.” Mattie gave her sister a pleading look of concern.

“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” Carmilla reassured her sister.

“I know you don’t easily open up to people, that’s why this bothers me. I trust you but I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay?” Mattie gave Carmilla a side hug.

“It’s not a date or anything, I know my place, and she has a fiancée. She just seems lonely.” Carmilla explained.

“Okay, just remember that you’re lonely too.” Mattie countered.

“I’m not lonely neither am I alone.” Carmilla remarked.

“Whatever you say then. Are you driving?” Mattie inquired.

“Don’t worry, I know my limits.” Carmilla gave her sister a final hug and continued to trudge through the hallway. “Goodnight, Mattie. Goodnight, Lola.” She pronounced amusingly without looking back.

Mattie stayed at the threshold with a smirk on her face as her sister disappeared into the vestibule. Suddenly, a head of red locks peaked behind Mattie’s form.

“Oh my God! Your sister knows about us?” Lola stated nervously, red-faced in her maxi dress with intertwined floral prints.

“She has known for months, Perr, Carmilla is observant. She figured it out once she said that I was acting ‘weird’ around you.” Mattie told Lola as she re-entered her room.

“I understand the employer-employee issue and all but isn’t it time that we tell your siblings?” Lola pouted.

“My portion of this property is as much as yours as it is mine; I could not imagine having been able to manage it without you apart from my siblings, I rather that you not think of me as your employer. Plus, Carmilla figured us out all by herself, trust me; she hasn’t said anything to a single soul.” Mattie clarified holding Lola by her shoulders. “You wanna know why I’m not so out and about us yet?”

Lola just shrugged with a concerned look.

“It’s because Will has been speculating and I don’t want to give him the feeling of satisfaction yet, not just yet.” Mattie smirked.

“Oh my God! You’re right; I think I won’t hear the end of it once he starts pestering me about it.” Lola giggled dragging Mattie back to bed. 

* * *

The Spielsberg was a cozy speakeasy located in the underground music scene of Styria. Carmilla led Laura into a set of stairs leading to a covert passageway that eventually opened into a seemingly open space in front of a wide red door embellished with a red neon light that read ‘Spielsberg’. Laura realized that Carmilla’s crowd was somewhat like the third generation owners of farms, establishments, and pubs included in the noiseless town of Styria.

On their way to the pub, Carmilla shared that the owners Charlotte and Emily Brontë were sisters. As soon as Styria has gained its popularity among local and foreign tourists alike, the pubs in the town center became crowded at night hosting all these visitors. Soon enough, the Styrians had lost their space to the emerging mass of tourists. Therefore, the Brontë sisters had decided to build a pub for the local scene, only the locals with a few selected sensible travelers knew about the place. 

The pub was dimly lit in warm light, Charlotte the elder Brontë was behind the bar, her sister Emily was singing on a small stage set up in front of the booths. It was some sort of an acoustic music night, so Emily was set up with her guitar. She was humming on her rendition of _Marissa Nadler’s Leave the Light On._ She was approaching the end of her set, Emily had been providing a venue for up and coming local artists as well as friends who can just take up the open-mic and unwind for the evening.

Laura and Carmilla were sharing mugs of beers in the comfort of their booth when Carmilla’s eyes suddenly widened as Emily made an announcement. “Well, I haven’t seen this friend for a while and I am confident that no matter how long, she always has a song up in her sleeve. So, in the classic nature of spontaneity, can I invite Carmilla Karnstein up here with me?” Emily garbled over the quiet murmurs inside the pub.

Carmilla eventually locked eyes with Emily, giving her a threatening look. “Oh, c’mon, for old times sake! I haven’t seen you in forever!” Emily was candid now; other patrons who knew Carmilla cheered her to play along.

“You sing?” Laura looked at her shockingly.

“I sing but usually not in front of this many people.” Carmilla muttered as she stood up from the booth, approaching a leering Emily who remained on the stage.

“Everyone, my old friend, Carmilla Karnstein! Thank you for bestowing us with her presence tonight, you hermit!” Emily introduced casually as Carmilla joined her. Some patrons wolf-whistled and clapped as Carmilla went up to pick up another guitar that laid idly on the side of the stage.

The duo exchanged a few whispers and Emily patted Carmilla on her back.

“I’m not really here to sing for you, just here for some drinks showing a friend around.” Carmilla pointed towards Laura. “Also, I’m a bit rusty, so pardon the spontaneity of this act, but I suppose I should accommodate the pub owner here or else I might get kicked out.” Carmilla joked and some laughter erupted from the crowd. Laura was somehow astounded by Carmilla’s presence on stage, despite the suddenness, she exuded some composure.

“This is just a song that I started playing in the comfort of my room recently…not yet crowd ready…but here it goes.” Carmilla slurred.

The duo began strumming on their guitars and eventually Laura was enraptured as soon as words came out of Carmilla’s mouth…

_All I want is nothing more_

_To hear you knocking at my door_

Carmilla had her eyes closed, trying to remember the lines or probably trying to savor the lines. Laura couldn’t take her eyes away.

_‘Cause if I could see your face once more_

_I could die as a happy person I’m sure_

Carmilla still had her eyes closed as she continued singing. Laura had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach; this was not a good sign.

_When you said your last goodbye_

_I died a little bit inside_

_I lay in tears in bed all night_

_Alone without you by my side_

Carmilla opened her eyes and surprisingly she looked towards Laura’s direction. There was a certain calmness in her voice but she seemed restless- there was restraint, Laura saw it in her eyes.

_But if you loved me_

_Why did you leave me_

Laura fixed her glare on Carmilla, her surroundings seemed to have evaporated around her. There was a room, there was the spotlight above, and then there was just- Carmilla.

_Take my body_

_Take my body_

There was that moment and they were both engulfed.

_All I want is_

_All I need is_

Laura tried to hold on to the moment, Carmilla tried to hold on to the moment, but time could not stand still.

_To find somebody_

_I’ll find somebody_

There was the moment (a pause)…and then everything crumbled into thin air as soon as the crowd started clapping.

* * *

“You never told me you could sing.” Laura reproached Carmilla as they were walking towards the truck; it was past 1:00AM now. The streets of Styria were quiet and cold, Laura missed the warmth inside the pub. She hugged herself as they continued to walk slowly, as if biding for more time. Laura clutched onto the sleeves of her parka, she wanted to cling to Carmilla, she wanted to feel her warmth. The rest of the evening flew so fast, after indulging Emily’s request for a song that had entranced Laura, Carmilla went back to her seat and they began to talk about both profound and mundane topics, from politics to television shows. Carmilla realized that talking to Laura just came naturally, they agreed and disagreed but it remained on a healthy note. For a while, Laura had forgotten about her woes. For a while, Carmilla seemed a little less glum, laughing heartily at Laura’s antics.

“You never asked, Cupcake, so it never came up.” Carmilla grinned. “Plus, I just sing for fun.” Carmilla added.

“Hey, Carm.” Laura suddenly paused as they stood in front of Carmilla’s truck.

“What’s wrong, Cupcake?” Carmilla suddenly realized that Laura was not moving.

“I think I need more time.” Laura bowed her head looking at her feet, prodding them to remain motionless.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand.” Carmilla knew what Laura meant, she had the same nagging feeling but she just pretended otherwise. Laura’s fiancée and her crew were coming back tomorrow, what they had felt like borrowed time. It felt true at the moment, but it felt so wrong knowing that she couldn’t imagine letting Laura walk away, not just yet.

“You know when something feels so easy, it just falls into place, and it just feels right.” Laura mumbled without looking at her directly.

“I think I know.” Carmilla walked back towards Laura, now standing directly in front on her.

“But it feels like a bubble, you know how kids blow bubbles at the park. You see a bubble float, it reflects all the colors of the light, its mesmerizing, and it just floats and floats. So you don’t move, you just keep staring at it, you just keep admiring it because you know eventually as it floats away, it’s bound to pop and then it disappears, it’s lost.” Laura looks up now, a little bit teary eyed.

“But you do love watching that bubble float; you do remember the feeling, right?” Laura just nodded. “Then just hold on to that memory, keep remembering, especially on days that you feel bad.” Carmilla moved to cup Laura’s chin with her fingertips.

Carmilla’s hands felt warm, Laura relished the moment, etching it in her memory. “All of this will be gone tomorrow.” Laura whispered softly.

“What’s unspoken remains unspoken, so that it may do no harm.” Carmilla smiled warmly, in a short span of time, they somehow crept closer towards each other, their noses almost touching, their gazes lingering, searching.

Laura was lost before she came to Styria but she had found something, something she wasn’t even searching for. In her gut, she knew what she wanted, she knew that she kept hanging on something that wasn’t even there in the first place- she needed to let go. This was the time, this was the moment, with Carmilla so close in front of her, she could just grasp the moment. But before Laura could even close the gap, Carmilla had already inched away.

“Let’s get you back to the lodge; it’s starting to get colder.” Carmilla slurred as she turned away.

Indeed, it had suddenly gotten colder, Laura thought to herself and it wasn’t just the weather.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Carmilla sang in this chapter was All I Want by Kodaline, try to listen to it during as the scene unfolds.


	7. Swing and a Miss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is taking a drastic turn at this point.

* * *

_Resentment_ , _guilt_ , _desolation_ \- Laura did not know what to feel that night. Danny and the rest of the crew were back that evening, Laura sat across Danny at the dinner table. She occupied herself by playing with the morsels of char in wild garlic puree, her siding of mashed potatoes laid untouched. She wondered why Carmilla would serve such a simple dish on a packed evening.

Mel sat next to Laura; Kirsch took a seat at the end of their table. They were with company, Betty Spielsdorf, a blond bombshell from the modeling agency had decided to tag along, and she was seated beside Danny. Laura felt stroppy when the evening had started, she felt out of the place, the group together with Betty simply went on and on with the technicalities of their shoot and the shenanigans that took place the past few days. How the food at Silas was so terrible, that’s why she decided to come over since Kirsch had been raving about the food at the Karnstein Lodge. How she almost slipped from a rock face but good thing Danny was there to catch her. She even talked about the time she forgot to wear nipple tape when they were on their photoshoot at the castle and her nipples were rock hard because of the icy weather that day. Over all of these stories Danny had somewhat been ignoring Laura during dinner, she had been focused on listening and giggling at every cliché anecdote that Betty had thrown at them. Laura had never heard of Betty before but she sat there as if she had been childhood friends with them. The blonde intrigued her; when they arrived earlier looking hungry and tired, Laura had met them at the lobby. At Laura’s curious glare, Kirsch simply introduced the blonde as ‘someone that they had been working with’. Danny greeted Laura with a guileless kiss on the cheek; Mel and Kirsch had exchanged looks and Betty just stood behind them with a smirk. They were on their second bottle of wine; Laura had observed that Betty looked like a compulsive drinker, downing glass after glass while Laura haven’t even finished her first. Laura carefully strained her head towards the direction of the kitchen window, she wanted to know if Carmilla was seeing the entire scene at their table, but there was no sign of the raven-haired chef.

“The fish here is just divine!” Betty obnoxiously exclaimed, tapping her palm at the edge of the table. Laura felt off with people who used the word ‘divine’ to describe food on a daily basis, she had just heard of the expression from food enthusiasts at the food channel. But hearing it from other people especially if used overly just made them sound like a phony. Betty had used the word ‘divine’ to approve of the starters just a few minutes ago. Betty seem to always exclaim everything that she said, eliciting glares from the other guests around them. She looked like she sought for attention and wasn’t apologetic about it. 

“Wait ‘til you get to dessert, the food here is worth it right?” Kirsch grinned, pleased with his recommendation.

“Nothing beats the spirit of a home cooked meal; this lodge is family-owned.” Mel added.

As they were reveling at their meal, Lola had passed by in her usual uniform with an apron to check on them.

“How are you enjoying so far, for tonight, we have pumpkin seed crescents for dessert, they are usually served during Christmas but I made some for you this evening.” Lola explained.

“Hmm, no apple strudel?” Kirsch moped. “But that sounds great as well, thank you, Lola!” Kirsch eyed Lola’s nameplate.

Laura got curious- _why would Lola be preparing desserts this evening?_

“Any fare is better here” Betty winked. “Give the chef my compliments.” Betty added.

“Sure, I will give him your compliments.” Lola smiled as she dashed away leaving Laura a rueful look.

_Him? Was Will manning the kitchen, where’s Carmilla? It wasn’t a Thursday, why was Will manning the kitchen?_

Laura got a bit restless. _Did something happen to Carmilla? Was it because of something that she had said the previous night?_

As soon as Lola left, Betty went back to monopolizing the conversation at the table. Danny laughed at every snob and phony story. Laura just sat there, shutting out all their boisterous laughter, hoping that her thoughts could just take her away from the moment. But to her disdain, Betty was really loud.

“…the vodka was so bad; Kirsch spewed his guts over Sarah.” Betty was laughing hysterically, not minding that she was taking about vomit and people were eating around her. Some patrons looked rather annoyed. She was recalling some drunken evening that they had probably spent at Silas Hotel.

“I told you I was beyond my limit; there goes all my chances with Sarah.” Kirsch mumbled.

“Nah, she was so wasted too, she did not remember any of it!” Betty continued. “But nothing beats that night we had in Amsterdam, right Danny?” Betty elbowed Danny, throwing a wink at her.

Danny was taking a sip of her wine that she almost choked; her eyes almost bulged from their sockets. Danny looked jumpy; Betty must have let something slip, she gave her a meaningful look.

“What about your night in Amsterdam?” Laura was quick enough to catch the interaction.

“The night at Silas was way worse…” Danny tried to change the topic to evade Laura’s question.

Mel and Kirsch looked alarmed; Betty just sat across them with a smug smirk, quite convinced that she had finally caught Laura’s attention.

“No, I want to hear it, what about that night at Amsterdam?” Laura repeated her question, her grip on the fork that she was holding tightened. She needed to insist, whatever it was, her gut was telling her that she needed to hear it.

“Wait, Danny hasn’t told you about it?” Betty looked impish, but Laura was unprepared with the next thing that came out of her mouth. “Oh darling, surely, with an open relationship like yours, I thought she had already told you…” and neither was Danny.

“A what?” Laura exclaimed, this time all the patrons eyes were on her. Laura felt like she was jabbed in the gut.

“An open relationship, dear, surely you know what it means…” Betty continued.

“Enough!” Danny directed that at Betty, Betty just gave her a look of annoyance. Mel and Kirsch looked petrified, glued to their seats.

“Yeah, I agree, I think I heard enough.” Laura bolted from her seat and stormed out of the dining hall without giving anyone a second look. Danny was immediately up on her heels, running after Laura.

“What’s wrong with those two? What’s the use of an open relationship if you don’t go around ‘opening up’ yourself to other people?” Betty maintained her nonchalance.

“What’s wrong Betty is that, they’re engaged.” Mel answered decorously, as she stood up from her seat to head to her room, apologizing to the other guests along the way.

“What’s up with them? So what if they’re engaged? Even married people enter open relationships; it’s not a big deal, just a matter of acquired taste.” She continued sipping from her wine; only a crestfallen Kirsch was left in her company.

“The thing is, Betty, Danny’s the only one in an open relationship, Laura is not.” Kirsch answered dejectedly.

* * *

Laura had dashed back to their room; she didn’t know what she was going to do. _Should she pack up and leave? Should she confront Danny? Should she have slapped Betty before she left table?_ She was fuming but she really did not know what to do.

She was about to slam the door shut but Danny was quick enough to squeeze herself in. _Damn her and her long strides!_

“What do you want?” Laura riled.

“I want to talk, Laura.” Danny answered.

“Talk? Now, you want to talk. After you had been ignoring me for months, now you want to talk?” Laura challenged her.

“Could you shut the fuck up and listen for a second, Laura?” It was the first time that Danny had cursed in front of Laura. She would scream a ‘fuck’ whenever she would hit a toe on a furniture leg or whenever her camera equipment would malfunction but she had never directed a cuss at Laura.

“Fuck you, Danny!” Laura fought back.

“Wait, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for bringing Betty. I’m so sorry that you found out about it this way.” Danny was fumbling with words.

“Or are you just plain sorry that I found out about it?” Laura was sarcastic.

“I fucked up, I know I did. However, can you just hear me out for a second? I know I don’t deserve it but you deserve the truth.” Danny was deeply apologetic now.

“Alright then, I’m all ears. Are you going to define what an _open_ _relationship_ is to me because I definitely know what it means? I work in communications, Danny, I’m not that naïve.” Laura spat back. “How long has this been happening?” Laura suddenly asked in a calm voice, she knew where this conversation was headed.

“It started at Amsterdam.” Danny answered casually.

“So, since the past six months…” Laura scoffed. “I’m so stupid!” She mumbled at herself as she plopped dejectedly on the bed.

“We were flailing, Laura, ever since the engagement and you know it.” Danny uttered as she sat beside Laura.

“Why did you even propose to me?” Laura played with the ring on her finger.

“I thought it would save us,” Danny answered in a broken tone. “I thought if we had something to look forward to, things would be better. Before that, I was constantly away from you Laura, not just physically but I suppose emotionally as well.” Danny admitted.

“But did it save us? Did it save you?” Laura muttered. “That’s why we haven’t even settled a date yet!” Laura realized.

“I only felt worse, I thought when you tagged along in my trips, and we would get closer. I thought the proposal would make our bond stronger. However, when you started coming along, I only felt like I was drowning. I felt trapped, I felt like I needed to escape you. I felt suffocated at some point, so I devised ways to slip away. I suppose I got so used to being alone while I was away, I didn’t know how to be with you, anymore.” Danny confessed.

“So, all those unplanned meetings, unforeseen nights in other hotels and sites…” Laura tried to confirm but Danny cut her off before she could finish.

“Yes, I was slipping away. I needed to breathe at some point. It started in Amsterdam; it was our first project with Betty’s agency. It was at that celebratory dinner. We were so drunk; I woke up in her hotel room. I wanted to feel less guilty so I told her that we were in an open relationship.” Danny disclosed.

Laura was silent for a while; she could not believe what was happening. She had been clueless for months.

“Then, it happened again at Naples and then a few nights ago.” Danny took a deep breath.

“I don’t believe in open relationships, Danny.” Laura stated.

“I know,” was all Danny could say.

“You should probably find someone else who does.” Laura took of the band from her finger and stuffed it on Danny’s open palm.

“I’m so sorry, Laura.” A single tear had plopped down from Danny’s eye.

“We tried but I suppose we just don’t belong together.” Laura huffed. “I believe, there’s no use in telling you what I gave up to be with you.”

“I hope it’s something that you can still do.” Danny choked. 

“Yes, in fact, I suppose there’s actually a lot for me to do, after all.” Laura gave Danny a wry smile.

* * *

Danny got another room in the lodge that evening, if she shared it with Betty, Laura no longer cared. That night, she slept the soundest, she was alone in her room but she was composed, peaceful. They were scheduled to stay for another night at the lodge before heading back to Graz. However, given the circumstances of the previous night, Danny had decided that she and the others would drive back to Graz that morning. Laura stayed in her room; she did not bother to see them off. Mel and Kirsch were of course her acquaintances because of their affiliation with Danny but she didn’t care much. She did not owe them an explanation neither did she want their pity, after all, it seemed liked they played along with Danny’s theatrics for the past months. Laura did not detest them; she just didn’t give a damn about what they think. 

Danny just passed by at her room that morning, still apologetic, but Laura could not care less. She was simply focused on spending another day at Styria, hopefully having some time to talk to Carmilla. With all the fiasco that happened at the dining hall the previous night, most probably, Carmilla needed some explanation. Though Laura wasn’t sure if Carmilla had witnessed anything that night, since there was no sign of her.

It was already mid-morning; indeed Laura’s slumber was unperturbed. The familiar head of red hair was behind the reception counter that morning. The breakfast service was already over, some of the staff where busy bussing out tables at the dining hall.

“Good morning, Ms. Hollis, how can I help you today?” Lola greeted with her typical cheerful demeanor, the one she uses for everyone else. Laura felt that it was less intimate, after what she has established with the lodge owners, she felt like something was wrong. “The breakfast service is over but lunch will be ready in thirty minutes.”

“Ow, I suppose I’m just wondering if I could bother Carmilla for a few minutes, is she at the back?” Laura asked excitedly, referring to the back of the house.

“I’m sorry, but William is on kitchen duty today.” Lola answered apologetically.

“I don’t understand, she doesn’t take day-offs, right? Is something wrong?” Laura inquired anxiously. “What time is she coming in today?”

“I believe she won’t be coming in today.” Lola replied.

“But is she here, in the lodge? I just have some important news to tell her.” Laura inquired. 

“I think you won’t be seeing her today or anytime soon.” Lola was speaking in riddles; Laura was starting to get a little impatient.

“I’m sorry Lola, I know I’m just another guest here to you but I have some important things to discuss with Carmilla. So if you don’t mind, I really appreciate it if you tell me where she is.” There was a demanding tone in Laura’s voice at this point.

Lola’s expression suddenly shifted, from being plain cordial to being remorseful. “I’m so sorry Laura, but even if I wanted to, I couldn’t tell you because I really don’t know where she is.”

“What do you mean?” Laura felt troubled with Lola’s answer.

“She just left yesterday morning, I guess it’s best if you talk to Mattie or Will about it. They’re back at the kitchen.” Lola explained.

* * *

Laura passed by an empty dining hall on her way towards the kitchen, except for a few staff members clearing and cleaning tables. However, she spotted J.P. seated on a booth with LaFontaine with a sleeping Angler at their feet. LaFontaine seems to be scribbling down notes while J.P. looks like he was focused on a coloring book. The duo were unmindful as she passed by, too immersed in their respective tasks.

She could hear yelling as she neared the kitchen; it sounded like Mattie’s voice.

“You can’t just change the menu for the rest of the week William; all the ingredients had been accounted for. Next week you can make your own but for now, you have to make do with what we have!” Mattie was blaring behind Will, we was walking around with a pan filled of freshly sautéed vegetables.

“But I don’t know how to make those cheese dumplings; I need to work on it first. The _goulash_ and the _schnitzel_ is all I can do for today.” Will sounded decisive.

“I don’t know how you’ll do it but you have to do something with that cheese and wrappers.” Mattie bellowed.

“Just give me some time, Mattie. I will figure it out, everything is just so sudden.” Will uttered as he placed the pan down. Mattie looked a little less aggressive at this point.

“I know, Will. I’m sorry but you and I knew that this would happen eventually.” Mattie placed a hand on her brother’s shoulder.

Laura knew her timing was off, the siblings looked like they were in the middle of something but she needed answers right away.

“Where’s Carmilla?” Laura could not help but interrupt.

“Oh, I’m sorry Ms. Hollis, but lunch service will be ready in a few minutes.” Mattie tried to compose herself, trying to act genially around Laura.

“C’mon Mattie, I think she has the right to know as well.” Will gave Mattie a meaningful look, seemingly asking for permission from his sister.

“Know about what?” Laura was still confused.

It was weird to see the kitchen without Carmilla, Laura realized. In her short time in the lodge, it felt as if Carmilla owned the kitchen, she looked like she belonged there. Seeing Will behind the stove and the counter gave the space a different character. It is as if she was seeing the kitchen for the first time and she could not find her way around it.

“She left yesterday morning,” was all Mattie said.

“Why?” Laura dreaded that answer. “Where did she go?”

“She didn’t say, all she said was that Will was in-charge of the kitchen indefinitely. She packed a bag but left her truck. Most of her stuff are still in her room though. So, she’s definitely coming back but I certainly couldn’t tell you when.” Mattie explained.

“Did she say anything else?” Laura prodded.

“All we can tell you is that my best guess is that maybe she finally took that trip.” Will stated.

“What trip?” Laura probed further.

“For the longest time, Carmilla hasn’t left Styria, but after she left the university, she had been saving for a certain trip, maybe to sample food or maybe just to see the world. I guess, she had finally did it.” Mattie shared.

“Do you know where she’s going?” Laura was unrelenting.

“She went off the grid yesterday. Our sister’s like that, she can be a hermit or maybe a monk, she has been surviving alone for the longest time. However, even if we are around, she has pretty much kept things to herself. She could be anywhere by now, she listed down many places; she could be in France or Spain. Gosh, she could even be in Turkey and she even mentioned Japan and Taiwan. Seeing you with her was the closest thing she had with human interaction besides her family and a handful of friends.” Will accounted.

“We don’t know what happened between you two. We don’t even know whether what she has decided to do is a good thing or a bad thing. But we finally got to see her outside of this kitchen and to do things for herself like we had been pushing her to do for the past few years.” Mattie elaborated.

“I don’t understand, she didn’t even bother to say goodbye.” Laura was teary eyed at this point.

“For now, we don’t know how to contact her but she had promised to assure us of her safety at some point, we just have to wait.” Mattie added.

“Whatever happened, Laura, I guess Carmilla needed this nudge for herself. She’ll come around eventually.” Will tried to comfort Laura.

“I hope so, too.” Laura sobbed. “Thank you for telling me.”

With that, Laura exited the kitchen, followed by apologetic gazes from Carmilla’s siblings.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking around, my pace has been slower since I had been quite occupied with some work as of the moment but will try to manage to update this as regularly as possible.


	8. Gone and Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More than a year has passed, a recollection of what has transpired.

* * *

It was a cloudy day but the window cleaners were hanging on secured lines and harnesses to clean the glass curtains of the Le Fanu building. The open office set-up was like a placid sea late in the afternoon, it was a Friday but it was a relatively dull day. The brick clad interior walls, the polished concrete flooring, and the mid-century modern office furniture were illuminated under the brightness of cool white office lighting. Laura spun around her high-back leather upholstered swivel chair taking a quick break from her work. The weather was starting to get chilly, autumn was settling in. This reminded her so much of the chilly winds of Graz and its snow-capped mountains at winter. Laura put on an ochre wool sweater over her crisp white button-down. She was enjoying a cup of freshly brewed coffee at her desk, a half empty French coffee press stood near her laptop. Her now thick-rimmed glasses fell over her nose, her dirty blonde hair tied up in a messy bun. 

It was the first week of October at Boston, the leaves at the parks were turning into orange and golden hues. Laura was glad that she could easily ride a bike to work, being able to afford a decent apartment a few blocks away from her workplace. She took a job at Le Fanu, a year had already passed. She was not able to pursue the original job offer but she got offered to work as head of the digital and social media management department instead. Her new job required being glued to either her laptop or smart phone; making sure that her team diligently monitors all of their client’s accounts in social media. It had caused her eye and back problems but she had a strict routine for yoga and frequent visits to the chiropractor and her optometrist.

Laura had moved her life to Boston; she had no one to go back to in Graz. Whatever happened to Danny after the breakup, she couldn’t care less. When she left their apartment, she either sold most of her stuff or gave it away to charity. Everything she owned of value fit in a big luggage which she brought with her. Some of the invaluable items from her parents she decided to keep in a storage unit for the meantime.

She did not have a hard time falling in love with Boston, it was a wharf city after all. She worked in the financial district, in one of the high-rise buildings near Atlantic Avenue. She frequented the street markets along Faneuil Hall; walking alongside the bustling crowd of the city. Boston was very diverse; home to a lot of immigrant groups in various neighborhoods and districts. Though a lot of central Boston remained under the Yankee elite or those of English origin; the city was quite multi-racial. Laura loved walking around the area, marveling at the historical architecture or heritage structures.

The waterfront was an arena for commercial, residential, and recreational use. During her first month, she enjoyed much of the seafood at the bars and bistros near the wharf. She loved the lobsters and clam spaghetti which she would typically down with a pilsner or some fancy floral cocktail. Though much of her experiences in food reminded her so much of someone in particular. Indeed, it had been more than a year, Laura had convinced herself that she should no longer look back. Sometimes she thought of Carmilla. _What would she say about this dish?_ Sometimes she would find something interesting but had no one to share the moment or the thought with. But despite all that, moving to another continent was the best decision that she has ever made, the lively city had so much to offer, she had so many distractions but sometimes distractions could only go so far. 

She did try to meet people after a few months; going on blind dates set-up by her co-workers but she just remained uninterested as of the moment. During her first few months, she settled with being a tourist during the weekends, discovering things about her new home bit by bit. At that point, she realized that she was _finally alone but definitely, definitely not lonely._ Then, a work-home-leisure routine had started to settle in a good pace and Laura was just contented with that for the meantime.

“Hey, what are you dreaming about?” Suddenly, someone glided towards Laura’s workspace in their swivel chair, breaking Laura’s reverie.

A head of short wavy blonde hair was slumped on her desk, beaming at her like the cheshire cat. He wore a sweater that had the same color with his eyes, an icy blue.

“Go away, Justin.” Laura tried to swat him away from her desk like a fly.

He worked in Laura’s department, technically, Laura was the manager of the social media managers and that makes her Justin’s boss. But the casual work culture at Le Fanu only defined task-oriented boundaries and they were prompted to engage with each other due to the absence of cubicles and closed offices. Plus, Justin was her first friend at the agency; he helped her find her apartment, showed her around the city, and welcomed her into his life. If Laura knew any better, she initially thought that Justin was into her. He was tall, well-built, trendy, and could definitely hold a proper conversation; who wouldn’t be attracted to that? But as Justin would place it, Laura looked like a “100-footer”; he could smell her under his gaydar as if she was like fermented fish in the dairy section. The Birkenstocks, the cycling to work, and the trimmed fingernails confirmed it all as he would put it. Plus, Justin is as flamboyant as the tracery of the Gothic cathedrals in France. They comprised 30% of the LGBT+ population in their department, so it was logical to be drawn towards each other.

“Oh c’mon, it’s a Friday, we have about an hour left for work.” Justin twirled around in his swivel chair.

“You perfectly know that we like work 24/7, right?” Laura smirked. “Fine, what do you have in mind? I could use a beer.” Laura conceded.

“Are you really sure you’re not butch? I’m not really in the mood for pilsners.” Justin joked. “A friend is inviting me to the opening of her open-air art installation. Wanna come with? Then we can hit a bar after.” Justin grinned.

“Alright, but this is not one of your set-ups? Do you promise that there are no obnoxious art snobs or overly aggressive feminists? Don’t get me wrong, I see myself as a feminist but that last date you set-up was just plain angsty and aggressive, I felt so angry and heavy after dinner.” Laura warned. Justin had been putting extra effort in setting Laura up with some of his friends and acquiantances for the past two months, he was relentless but Laura was just tired.

“No set-ups, I promise, just a fun night between friends.” Justin mock swore, placing his right hand over his chest. “Though I can’t promise that there will be no high-brow art snobs or phonies, or that I won’t leave you to yourself once a cutie catches my eye.” He grinned.

“Okay, I’ll go,” Laura agreed. “But gosh, you are so full of yourself, good thing you’re good-looking.” Laura bantered.

Justin gave her a wry smile as he sauntered away in his chair.

Just like that, Laura knew that her life was totally different now. She was no longer cooped up, she was open to many possibilities; she was living. But at random moments of the day, she just couldn’t deny this nagging feeling that left a puncture through her heart. It was like a phantom limb, sometimes you look for it as if it was cauterized in the past. _What if? What if things did not end the way they did?_

Sometimes in her downtime, she couldn’t resist the urge to look for Carmilla on social media, it was her job after all. She was moving on, really, she was just plain curious. But it seems like Carmilla was still off the grid or probably it was not really in her nature to be engaged in it. _Where did she go? What happened to her? Did she meet someone along the way? What if I waited for her? Was she back at home?_

Laura shook herself out of this memory; she just needed to accept the fact that ‘Indeed, literally, Carmilla was the one who got away’.

It’s just that time of the year.

* * *

  
Rain was gently tapping on the window panes, it had unusually been raining in Styria for the past several days. Autumn was supposed to be settling in but the weather seemed drastic. Mattie rubbed her palms together, she had just started the fire place. Lola took a break prior to their preparation for the dinner service, Mattie was manning the reception counter. She wrapped the thick shawl over her shoulder, she was already wearing a jacket over her thermal shirt but it was still a bit chilly. She proceeded to preoccupy herself with inquiries and reservations, answering emails and confirming receipts when suddenly the front door swung open ushering in a draft. She was about to give her typical jovial greeting when she decided to take a second look at the figure who stood by the door.

She couldn’t believe her eyes, standing in front of her soaked from head to toe was no other than her sister, back from her travels. Carmilla was garbed in her typical leather jacket over her shirt ensemble, tight dark pants and a pair of biker boots. A rucksack slung over her shoulders, complexion slightly darker than her previously pale skin and a smirk more confident than her signature smug grin. Her hair was a little wet due to the rain, but it was shorter now just about chin length. She tapped her boots on the floor rug by the threshold careful not to bring in all the mud from outside.

“So, are you back with all the spices, Columbus?” Mattie had been preparing that witty remark for the longest time and this was the perfect moment for it.

“I could finally tell the flat earthers that I never found the edge of the world but one thing is for sure, it is definitely filled with so many people!” Carmilla replied jokingly as well.

Despite her soaked appearance, Mattie approached her and kept her in a long embrace. As they drew apart, Carmilla took off her heavy jacket and Mattie wrapped her shawl around her.

“Where’s William?” Carmilla immediately asked.

“Back at _your_ kitchen but we’ll go to him later, let’s get you changed upstairs before you catch your death.” Mattie led her sister to their rooms.

“Hey Mattie, thanks and I’m sorry.” Carmilla muttered. “Also, it’s _his_ kitchen now.”

* * *

  
After the dinner service, Will rushed out of the kitchen and couldn’t believe his eyes. In one of the corner tables, Carmilla was seated with Mattie and Lola, Carmilla was finishing a bowl of pumpkin soup. Will took off his apron and without warning immediately pulled his sister into a tight hug, lifting her in the process.

“So, no one was going to tell me that Kitty’s back?” He reproached Mattie as he set Carmilla back on to the ground.

Carmilla gave her brother a second glance, he was unlike Mattie who looked the same as she left. It was nearly two years but Will looked like he had aged a decade. His eyes were deeply set, his hair a bit longer under his red cap and his shaved chin showed more of his bone structure.

“How are you?” Carmilla asked with an endearing look.

“Trying to fill in your heavy clogs.” Will joked.

Carmilla gave him a light jab to the stomach. “But I guess you’re not doing bad by the looks of this place.”

As the duo settled with the others at the table, Carmilla began with her lengthy story-telling. Actually, she had spent less than a year travelling, she started with Barcelona and crossed towards South of France, proceeded to Tuscany, spent some time in Santorini and eventually ended up in Istanbul. She then went all the way to Mumbai and flew to Southeast Asia, traversing through Bangkok, Siem Reap, and Saigon. Then she took a flight to Singapore and finally spent weeks in Kyoto before she crossed to Taipei.

In all this time, Carmilla wasn’t actually off the grid. She would religiously send Mattie and Will postcards of every city she has been to, all of these were tucked in Mattie’s office drawer. There was no way to write back to Carmilla, fearing that she would exhaust all her savings, Mattie periodically sent money to her bank account each month after her fourth month of being away. As the funds Mattie sent came in, Carmilla started to notice and she thanked her through a postcard from Mumbai before she headed to Southeast Asia. Despite that, Carmilla tried to be very frugal, spending only from her own money and setting aside what Mattie sent her for emergency use. She frequented cheap but comfortable hostels and much of the street food in every city. But as her travel was about to end after eight months, Carmilla eventually realized something. It was determined during the only phone call that she had with Mattie for the first eight months of being away. Carmilla had decided to head back to Barcelona to apply for the Diploma Chef Program in Haute Cuisine in the Culinary Institute of Barcelona. The additional nine months that she was away was no longer spent in traveling but by attending an eight-month program in Barcelona. Carmilla had just finished her practicum program and had finally received her diploma, now, she was back, indefinitely.

As Carmilla was telling another anecdote from her time in Barcelona, two splitting balls of energy suddenly stormed into the room. After all this time, Angler still recognized her, he galloped and wagged his tail at her feet, taking in her smell once again. Running after Angler was J.P., a little taller and thinner than his previous self.

“Aunt Milla! Aunt Milla!” J.P. launched himself at her with a tight embrace, just like his father did. As he let go, Carmilla set her nephew down and proceeded to pat the head of the seemingly excited dog.

“Where you here all this time?” Carmilla asked her nephew.

“No, we’re just here to get, Dad!” J.P. exclaimed. Bouncing into the room in his oversized down jacket and khaki pants.

“By we, you mean...” but before Carmilla could finish her inquiry, a familiar figure entered the hall. She was thin and slightly more taller than Carmilla. Initially, she looked a bit hesitant but she beamed as she approached the group. Sometimes J.P. had the same smile.

Carmilla looked up and couldn’t believe her eyes, indeed a lot could change in more than a year.

“I’m sorry, he just rushed...Oh, hi Carm...” she greeted hesitantly.

“Hello, Natalie,” Carmilla smiled back.

“Mommy, Mommy look, Aunt Milla is back! Everyone comes home eventually!” J.P. hummed, too oblivious to the current situation.

“We definitely have a lot of catching up to do.” Carmilla gave Will a meaningful look.

* * *

  
“So, you just forgave her just like that? What did Mattie say about it?” They were alone now, it was almost midnight.

Mattie and Lola had retreated to their room, Mattie already told Will about their relationship. Contrary to their fear, Will was simply nothing but happy for his elder sister but of course, he teased them frequently. Natalie and J.P. occupied one of the rooms realizing that it was better to spend the night at the lodge for the meantime as the weather got worse.

Will was left with Carmilla at the dining hall, they were finishing a bottle of wine.

“Actually, Mattie didn’t say anything at first. Of course, we knew how much she detested Nat for leaving but eventually, she only thought of what’s best for J.P.” Will shared.

“So what’s best for J.P.? She better not come home and just leave again.” Carmilla murmured.

“Everyone comes home eventually, I suppose we are really Nat’s home. She’s done wandering, Carm. She’s gone through all of her ‘what ifs’, she has decided to come home to us. I couldn’t deny that to my son.” Will reasoned.

”I’m sorry, I suppose she deserves another shot at this.” Carmilla mumbled. 

“You know what’s out there, Carm. You just came home yourself.” Will quipped.

“I know Will...” but before Carmilla could finish, Will decided to cut her off.

“We were young, Carm. We were definitely afraid, Nat was not ready to be a parent yet, she admitted her fears. I also pushed her away, I wanted her to follow her dreams and so she did. It was the most logical thing for her at that moment, you’ve met her dad. He never liked me.” Will elucidated.

“But how about you? How about your dreams?” Carmilla probed.

“I got my dream, Carm. I got J.P. and now Nat is finally back. J.P. deserves a family, I just wanted him to fully experience what we have.” Will explained. “I wasn’t robbed of anything, this is all I ever hoped for.” He added.

“You still love her, do you?” Carmilla already knew the answer to that.

“I never stopped.” Will confirmed.

The siblings shared a quiet moment for a while, sipping from their drinks.

“Her fiancée cheated on her, you know.” Will suddenly blurted out, he was referring to Laura but wasn’t saying her name. Not saying her name probably made her less real. He didn’t know where Carmilla was at moving on, she won’t even initially acknowledge her feelings for Laura in the past.

“Mattie told me, I know.” Carmilla tried to bottle up her feelings but if there was one person who could see right through her, it was Will.

“Have you tried contacting her?” Will inquired.

“I did, but it guess it was nothing like that, I just found out that she’s based in Boston now, she’s too far away.” Carmilla remarked.

“Hah, says the person who has travelled the world.” Will scoffed.

“I’m over it, it was never going to happen. I dodged a bullet.” Carmilla slumped back to her seat.

“She came for you, you know.” Will mumbled as he twirled the wine in his glass.

“I know but I already left.” Carmilla recalled.

“No, that was while she was still here.” Carmilla gave Will a baffled look.

“It was after she had already left for Boston, she came back, just to check, just to really see for herself, I suppose but you were still away.” Will noted.

“When was this exactly?” Carmilla furrowed her brows.

“I can’t remember well, it was a busy day, she didn’t talk to Mattie, she just caught me at the driveway.” Will recounted. “In fact, it was probably around this time of the year.” He confirmed.

Carmilla just looked at him wide-eyed but she suddenly shifted back to her forlorn mood.

“You still think about her do you?” Will eventually asked.

“I never stopped.” Carmilla took a sip from her drink.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting for my updates. I guess I have back to back updates for this weekend. Enjoy!


	9. Unexpected Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla gains some wisdom from a person she least expects from.

Carmilla walked towards the familiar porch, the timeworn bentwood swing set was still there. The seat looked like it was newly repaired, the wickerwork looked new, and a couple of small pillows and a throw hung over it. Carmilla was reminded of the many dreary afternoons she spent idling on that swing set. It was where she first read _Catcher in Rye, which_ she has somehow read for over fifty times at different points in her life. She had a hard time deciphering the language of that J.D. Salinger novel when she first encountered it at 10 years old, then at high school, she finally understood what the novel meant in her adult life, and it was more like a nostalgic memory of the past. Mattie was headstrong and assertive; she was always out doing some extra-curricular work at school. While Will was friendly and athletic, he was always out playing some sport or hanging out with some friends. Whereas, Carmilla being reclusive and stoic usually stayed at home to read a novel or two. That porch swing was a place of refuge for her, especially when both their parents were no longer around. Now, she was glad that it was still there and she would sometimes find J.P. hovering over some coloring book or reading a book in that very same swing set. Though she spent most of her time in her room at the lodge, she would often visit Will and J.P. and spend the night in their childhood home during weekends.

She had noticed many changes after her departure; William seemingly had done a lot of maintenance and repair work. The façade looked freshly painted but still in its off-white hue. Some of the shingles with replaced with new ones and she noticed the new set of curtains that were in clear view from the windows. Carmilla had her own key and usually she just found her way inside, it was their childhood home after all. But this time, she decided to ring the doorbell, it was Will and Natalie’s home now and she didn’t want to feel like she was intruding. She eventually heard a set of hurried footsteps towards the doorway. A disheveled Natalie greeted her; Carmilla noted that she looked more mature now, her cheekbones looked sharper and her eyes looked more solemn. She wore a loose shirt over her sweatpants; her dark hair was tied up in a bandana.

“Ow, hi Carm, I wasn’t expecting you.” Natalie tried to fix her hair, a few tendrils poking out of her bandana. “Is something wrong? Will has already left a few hours ago and I will be off to pick up J.P. from school later at 3:00pm. I’m just trying to get some tidying done.” Natalie tried to make an excuse for her appearance.

“Oh, I’m really sorry to bother you, just which I thought of dropping by to check on some of my stuff from my old room.” Carmilla and Mattie still had their rooms in their childhood home. They decided that Will and Natalie should take the master bedroom and J.P. had already been staying in Will’s old bedroom ever since.

“You shouldn’t apologize, this is still your home, you’re welcome to come and go and you please. If anything, I should be thanking you for letting us stay here.” Natalie moved to let Carmilla in.

“Since Mattie has taken over the lodge, we have decided that Will should take care of this property. This is your home now, our family’s.” Carmilla reassured Natalie.

The interior was very much kept to its best shape; Will had kept all the family photographs lined along the entrance hallway and the stairs. Much of the old furniture was there, though a comfortable looking upholstered recliner was added to their living room furniture, which Carmilla had attributed to Will’s taste.

“This place looked a bit aged. If you guys feel like updating the space for some decorating, you may do so.” Carmilla commented as she looked around.

“Actually, we haven’t really thought about it, I kinda like it the way it is. Homey and warm, just like how it was before.” Natalie smiled at their living room, reliving some earnest memories in her head.

“Yeah, indeed.” Carmilla smiled as she plopped down the overstuffed sofa.

“Oh, how foolish of me! I should get you something to drink.” Before Carmilla could protest, Natalie was already headed towards the kitchen. “Would you like some coffee or tea? I actually made some tarragon tea earlier.” Natalie yelled from the kitchen.

“Tea would be nice.” Carmilla answered back. As she sat there, she noticed how lively the place seemed to look once again. One wall was lined with photographs of their grandparents Tobias and Anja and then beside it another one of their parents and then a portrait of Mattie’s mom, Ariana. Below these photographs was one of Will, Mattie, and Carmilla with a two-year old J.P. back then. However, what caught her attention was a recent one, which included Will and Natalie with a smiling J.P. and a Mattie and Lola looking on; it looked like it was taken during a picnic; Lustig Lake was in the background.

Natalie noticed Carmilla’s lingering glare at the photograph when she re-entered the room. She set the tea set down on the center table carefully. “That one was taken just a few months ago.” Natalie pointed out. “We should go take another one again.” Natalie joined Carmilla hunched before the hung photograph, implying that Carmilla should be in the next one. “Elle took this one.”

Carmilla remembered that afternoon, her family called her. Mattie told her that some repairs were being done in the lodge, five guest rooms and the lobby included. It was a rare time for the hotel, being closed temporarily for nearly a month, so the family took the opportunity to travel locally. As an old friend, they invited Elle to tag along. Carmilla missed this rare occasion but as she looked on, she realized one thing. Will was right, they were going to be all right and she should stop worrying about them, she should chase after her own dreams. Her siblings have built their own families now, Mattie with Lola and Natalie was back with Will and J.P.

“Say Nat, if you don’t mind me asking, what changed your mind?” Carmilla mumbled with looking at Natalie.

“Honestly, leaving was the furthest thing from my mind at the beginning. When I found out that we were having J.P., I knew I was destined for this family.” Carmilla was actually surprised with Natalie’s response; this was new information to her.

“I don’t understand, I thought you had always wanted to leave.” Carmilla remarked in confusion.

“I don’t really know which side of the story you got but as far as I’m concerned, I never really wanted to leave them. I love William very much and J.P. perhaps all the more if not equally but it was a really confusing time for me.” Carmilla urged Natalie to continue. “You know my parents never really liked Will, especially my dad. He did everything in his power to change my mind. I was insistent at first, very much willing to stand my ground. But it was Will; he pushed me towards my decision.”

“What did my stupid brother do? I promise we were probably not really aware of the entire story.” Carmilla was shocked at this revelation.

“Before, I really detested Will, thinking that he didn’t want me in his life. But as time went by, I understood his intentions. We always talked about our plans, he knew I really wanted to go to the university and the unplanned pregnancy just derailed everything in his perspective.” Natalie was a little bit teary eyed at this point; Carmilla gave her a calming side hug. “The only way to push me towards it was to drive me away. He shut me out completely; he knew that I could only get that opportunity with my father’s help. He told me, ‘we should go through the natural course of things that I should take on my father’s offer. He didn’t want me to be stuck with him. So, that’s what I did, I was so stupid back then.” Natalie whimpered.

“It’s in the past Nat, you’re here now, you’re back, and that’s all that matters.” Carmilla comforted Natalie.

“I just wish I was around for J.P. and Will back then.” Natalie sobbed.

“Hey, you’re here now, just look at this one, J.P. will remember this forever.” Carmilla pointed at the recent family portrait. “I guess Will just didn’t want you to detest him if he asked you to stay.” Carmilla stated, realizing something for herself as well.

“You’re right, I’m so sorry, Carm. Thank you so much for taking care of my family.” Natalie looked at Carmilla dotingly.

“We all have our journeys, we just take different courses. Sometimes it takes us a lifetime before we move our asses.” Carmilla chuckled at herself.

“I’m really so sorry for pouring out on you.” Natalie apologized, now moving to pour some tea for both of them.

“My siblings and I, we are very much alike. Change scares us, risk cripples us, and so we often have the tendency to scare people away.” Carmilla had a better grasp of things now.

“Does it bother you, how much has changed since you came home?” Natalie asked cautiously.

“In fact, the past few days had been quite enlightening. Initially, I thought I was of no use to my siblings now that they have moved on. The lodge has been doing well; Mattie has been managing with Lola, Will seems to be doing an even better job at the kitchen. Actually, that is why I am here, snooping around, with nothing to do anymore. I suppose my siblings no longer need me here. Perhaps I could not just up and leave and expect to return to how it was.” That was why Carmilla was intently looking at the recent family photo; she has felt her absence even more, Natalie thought.

“Well, in that part, I think we are alike.” Carmilla raised an eyebrow at Natalie. “When I decided to come back, I knew only a miracle would salvage me from the past, especially leaving Will in the most trying of times. My parents did not like my decision at that point; my dad disowned me when I left. I was a scary situation for me; if Will would not take me back, I had no home to go to. However, it was a gamble I needed to take. I thought, I have my degree now, if Will does not take me back then I would probably start fresh in a new city without regrets. When I got off the cab, Will was seated at the porch swing alone, it was already late and J.P. was already asleep. It felt like he was expecting my return at that moment. I hesitated but I saw his face light up, when I approached him, all he said was, ‘Now you’re home, I won’t give you any reason to leave us again.’” Natalie paused for a while, reveling at the memory. “They had lived the past few years without me; I took a while before J.P. would warm up to me. I thought they did not have space for me in their lives anymore but I was wrong. I actually left a gap, a gap that I filled when I came back. For some people, their families move on, their families learn to live without them, but ours is different, Carm. We will always be family; you just have to do what you need to do. You owe yourself that, you had been around to help everyone else for the longest time; it’s about time you do something for yourself.”

“But I already went away, I saw the world. But honestly, I don’t feel so settled yet, not yet.” Carmilla confided.

“Hmm, you know, Carm, we are home but maybe we are not the only home you’re supposed to go back to.” Natalie’s comment was loaded but Carmilla wasn’t sure if she had some context.

“I don’t follow.” Carmilla muttered.

“We are at the age when we need to start building our own homes, Carm, perhaps with someone else.” Natalie emphasized.

“Did Will tell you anything?” Carmilla confirmed.

“Now that we are back together, I guess we don’t hide anything from each other anymore.” Natalie gave her a knowing look. “Will has told me about Laura.”

“It was a long time ago, Nat, she has probably moved on.” Carmilla mumbled.

“Based on my track record, I think risks are worth taking. You should probably take one more trip before you decide to settle down.” Natalie remarked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for following this story, we are nearing the end. Let me know if you have any suggestions for the ending or some resolutions!


	10. Boston

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts with some angst, then some smut then some fluff, well, much of the order might give away much of this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here with back to back updates. Thank you so much for waiting for me to bring some conclusion to this story, so here it is!

_When flowers gaze at you_

_They’re not the only ones_

_Who cry when they see you_

_You said_

_You don’t know me, and you don’t even care_

_Oh yeah, you said_

_You don’t know me, and you don’t wear my chains_

_Oh yeah_

_She said, I think I’m going to Boston_

_I think I’ll start a new life_

_I think I’ll start over_

_Where no one knows my name_

_(Boston by Augustana)_

* * *

“Laura!” Laura’s reverie was broken at the mention of her name. She was heading out of the Le Fanu building, the winds were chilly outside, and she held her fleece jacket closer to her frame. Justin was jogging behind her, catching up with hurried steps. Laura stopped at her tracks but the throng of passers-by continue to flow past her. She turned around to acknowledge Justin’s call, she rubbed her hands feverishly, she had forgotten to bring her gloves this morning. It was past six in the evening on a Friday night, people were either in a hurry to get home or be somewhere else.

“Damn, you walk fast for someone so small.” Justin huffed, the collar of his double-breasted khaki trench coat were up to warm his neck, he wore a white shirt matched with a thin black necktie underneath, a pair of black trousers and polished boots.

“We little people work on our pace, what we lack in strides we compensate with our speed.” Laura joked, light puffs of smoke came out of her mouth as she spoke, indicating how low the temperature was changing.

“Ha ha, very funny! Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to join some of us for a drink, it’s Friday after all.” Justin offered as he adjusted the strap of his brown leather satchel over his shoulder. “Sarah is the DD tonight.”

“You’re offer seems to be very tempting but I think I’m feeling a bit under the weather right now.” Laura was quick to make an excuse, truth be told there’s nothing more enticing than the thought of spending another night in some bar or party with her co-workers that evening but she just had this awkward feeling in the pit on her stomach, something she can’t place. Being acquainted with more people was really inviting but she had been picturing herself cuddled in her living room, enjoying a re-heated take-away just slumped in front of the television. Perhaps her idea of a good time had probably changed. Not that she did not give the Boston crowd a chance but hitting several LGBT+ friendly bars and continually being introduced to new people, almost every weekend had become old news to her. At some point, being conversant became quite exhausting.

“Well, nothing like craft beer or gin and tonic can’t cure.” Justin beamed at her being a little more persuasive.

“Hmm, I’m actually thinking of something in the line of a hot toddy with a cinnamon stick.” Laura was unyielding on her evening plans.

“Of course!” Justin realized that he could not sway Laura’s pronouncement. “But if you do change your mind, we’ll be at The Alley, its karaoke night with the queens after dark.” Justin gave Laura a mock salute as he headed back towards the building lobby were some of their co-workers were waiting. 

“Thank you for the offer, really, I might be up to it next week, though.” Laura called after Justin; Justin acknowledged her regret with an enthusiastic wave and flying kiss.

“See you, Monday!” He bade her farewell as he re-entered the office block.

On that note, she continued to stroll towards her recently discovered Asian fusion restaurant. She had been craving for some Cajun Karaage Chicken Sandwich for the past few days. It is Laura’s idea of comfort food, something warm and something spicy; the heat perfect for the frosty weather.

Being in a new city was definitely an adventure for Laura but as the months kicked in, she was starting to hit the blues. Some writers and artists dubbed Boston as a grey city; its generally cloudy weather has sparked melancholy on most souls. However, Laura is not a stranger to this feeling, the iciness of Graz generated glum. But in Graz she was around a lot of people for most of her life, in Boston she was definitely alone.

Laura found herself lining up in the busy take-out counter of the packed restaurant. She observed the busy street from the restaurant window as she waited for her food to be prepared. The constant movement of the passers-by brought intensity into the grey-colored city. Laura realized that she had indeed chosen the perfect city to be lost into, it was bustling but it maintained its familiarity. Despite its acclaimed greyness, it is a city of contrasts, it thrives yet it wants to remain _au fait_ , it blooms yet it holds back. It perfectly resembles what Laura feels about her life, perhaps she was indeed settling in. Barely twenty minutes had passed when her order arrived in a brown take-out bag, her spicy fried chicken sandwich with a blend of Japanese and Korean spices tucked with a side of sweet potato fries. Laura held her food with her left hand and her haversack with her right hand. She took in more sights of the city as she slowly strutted towards her apartment building.

She thought of her apartment, it remained artless and austere even after a year. Since she had only brought one luggage worth of items with her when she moved, it felt like she hasn’t unpacked yet. The most lavish piece of furniture in her studio apartment was her king-sized bed. She painstakingly took some time in selecting the best mattress for her back, hence, the comfortable bed with half a dozen of fluffy pillows. The other furniture were an afterthought, a modest two-seater teak dining table which doubled as her work table, a straightforward tuxedo sofa with a flea market wrought-iron coffee table, and a boxy dresser where the additions to her space. The kitchen counters and built-in cupboards came with the unit, together with a small refrigerator and stove. Of course, she needed a coffee machine and a microwave oven but aside from a couple of copper pots and pans and a few sets of dinnerware, that was it. It resembled a clean slate for Laura, a life that she was planning to build bit by bit.

The door attendant at the lobby acknowledged Laura as she entered the building. Laura always took the stairs to her unit at the third floor; she never bothered to wait for the elevator. She enjoyed treading through several flights of stairs, her building was one of the few repurposed structures in the area, and it had good architectural bones. She enjoyed looking at the whitewashed brickwork and the scent of aged wooden treads.

Laura fumbled for her keys as she neared her floor. She was not looking at her door as she searched her coat pocket for her house keys. That’s why she did not notice the figure slumped at her doorway.

“Hey, Laura” a familiar voice spoke.

As she looked up, Laura’s gaze was met by a familiar set of dark brown eyes; she dropped her keys when she realized who stood before her.

* * *

She needed to slap herself awake mentally, to make sure that she was not dreaming. Laura was stunned in haze.

“Hey, Laura.” The figure stood up picking up Laura’s fallen set of keys from her feet.

“Carm?” As Carmilla continued to speak, Laura realized that everything before her was indeed real. To say that Carmilla looked well was an understatement, she was garbed in her usual leather jacket, white shirt, skinny jeans, and combat boots ensemble but there was a difference that Laura could not place right away. But as the raven-haired woman smiled in front of her, she finally realized the difference, there was this sparkle in her eyes.

“I’d say, you were not easy to find, Cupcake.” The mention of the nickname brought a nervous smile on Laura’s face. The surge of their sudden contact caused her stomach to churn as Carmilla tucked her keys on her palm.

“How? Why?” Laura was searching for words, in the mundanity of her day; surely, she did not expect a twist like this.

“I thought social media would make it easier to find you but perhaps people are more paranoid nowadays.” Carmilla scoffed with an air of confidence in her tone.

Laura remained dazed in silence; she did not know what to feel.

“I’m sorry but I was a bit desperate, so I slipped the doorman a few bills so that he would let me wait here. Though you should not worry about the security of your building, he took my driver’s license for safety measure…” But before Carmilla could finish, she was shaken with Laura’s response.

Laura’s bag feel off from her hand. A slap!

A gasp! Laura was surprised by her impulsive action. Carmilla’s cheek stung.

A stare. There was a pause; Carmilla just looked into Laura’s eyes, searching.

A smile. Carmilla held on to her cheek and then her lips curved into a grin.

An outburst. Laura’s stomach continued to churn; she didn’t know what to do next.

Carmilla surged forward, she held on to Laura’s neck. A kiss. It was intense.

A breath. Laura was panting for air but she did not want to stop.

The kiss was an intake of breath and an outpouring of emotions.

A pause. Carmilla stopped and settled, gazing into Laura’s teary eyes, probing for words.

“I’m sorry” Carmilla huffed as she retreated.

“Where were you?” A single tear escaped Laura’s left eye. She mustered a playful shove on Carmilla’s shoulder.

“I needed to go away for a while but now I’m here.” Carmilla muttered under her breath, she moved closer and wiped away Laura’s tear with her thumb.

“Are you gonna stay?” Laura sniffled.

“That depends…” Carmilla was reading Laura’s reaction. Laura gave her a hopeful look “If you let me.”

With that answer, a smile was painted on Laura’s face, and then she surged forward this time, seizing Carmilla in another intense kiss.

* * *

In a scrabbling motion, Laura and Carmilla entered the apartment entangled in each other. They were in a haze, they couldn’t break contact. Carmilla felt like all the emotions that she has been holding back before are being emptied out; it was like a dam, breaking.

Laura flung all the contents of her hands on the console table by the threshold as she kicked the door close. With free hands, she held on to Carmilla’s shoulders. They both awkwardly removed their sheathings, the garments dropping randomly on to the wooden floor. Laura was trapped between the wall of the entry hall and Carmilla.

Laura directed Carmilla towards the couch; she sank onto the seat with Carmilla straddling her. Once seated Laura flicked her shoes off, Carmilla did the same but both of them still wrapped in an ardent lip lock. Laura inserted her hands inside Carmilla’s shirt; she could feel the warm skin of her back and ribs, her cool hands thawing upon contact. In one swift motion, Carmilla lifted Laura’s jumper over her head, leaving behind a bra-clad torso. Laura scrambled for the buttons of Carmilla’s shirt, proceeding to grope her breast once the apparel was removed. In one swift motion, Carmilla unhooked Laura’s bra, revealing pert pink nipples as soon as they were exposed to the cool air. Laura did the same, gathering Carmilla in a tight embrace as they both felt each other’s warmth.

“Bed…” Carmilla eventually broke contact gasping for air.

Laura continued to pepper Carmilla’s skin with soft kisses, her neck, her clavicle, her shoulder, and then she heaved towards her breast, capturing a nipple. Carmilla held on to Laura’s shoulder blades, arching her back in ecstasy. Then in one sudden motion, Laura interlocked her arms on both of Carmilla’s legs that were wrapped around her. Then she on the spur of the moment got up and carried Carmilla towards her bed, dropping her onto the firm mattress.

Laura helped Carmilla shimmy out of her tight pants and Laura removed her own soon after. There was a significant pause, Laura marveled at the sight beneath her. Carmilla’s lithe form lay almost naked, her black silk panties was the only barrier between them. Carmilla felt most vulnerable after a long time, she was exposing herself to another person, both literally and figuratively. But this was Laura, though there were many words left unspoken, Carmilla could hear her heart beating recklessly, she knew that they were in the same place at this point. Carmilla looked up at the form above her, Laura held herself up with both arms on each of Carmilla’s sides.

Laura scolded herself mentally, of all the days; today was the day that she decided to just be comfortable. Not that she was with other people in the past, after Danny, she usually couldn’t get past the first date to have anything meaningful with anyone is the past year. So, she was always dressed comfortably, her white undergarment now in full display to Carmilla. Carmilla felt Laura’s blush forming, realizing what Laura was embarrassed of; Carmilla simply flashed a toothy grin.

“If it bothers you so much, then perhaps the only solution is to remove it.” She hooked her fingers on the edge of Laura’s underwear and removed the offending garment in one swift motion. Laura chuckled at the thought, kicking her underwear away. Soon after, Laura proceeded to glide Carmilla’s silk bikini over her legs, kissing her thighs and shins as she went along.

The moment they realized that they were already both very bare, Laura plunged forward once more and entrapped Carmilla in a fervent kiss. The kiss was careless, their tongues collided, but it was penetrating. Laura inserted her thigh in between Carmilla’s legs; she could feel her dampness building. Carmilla’s limb was also confined in between Laura’s and Laura’s wetness has allowed her to glide effortlessly over Carmilla. Carmilla could feel Laura’s peak building, so she continued to join her ministrations. The intensity of their peaks were rising, so they continued to rub their swollen clits against each other’s limbs in a frenzy of kisses and groping. Then, Laura reached first, she broke into a loud wail, chanting, “Yes, yes, yes” repeatedly. Carmilla followed soon after, with a quiet squeal, she shuddered in stupor. They were breathless and soaked when they same down from their high. Laura slumped motionlessly on top of Carmilla, Carmilla embraced her limp form tightly as their breathing coincided in a steady rhythm.

* * *

“It doesn’t look so bad.” Laura was trying to reconstruct her conked-out chicken sandwich on top of the dining table.

“Well, it looks kinda sloppy.” Carmilla moved to inspect the sandwich and then proceeded to take a big mouthful. “Hmm…hmmm…” she hummed before swallowing. “Doesn’t taste bad either.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t taste bad? It tastes great! I’ve been craving for this for a while now.” Laura protested as the smug Carmilla proceeded back to her small galley kitchen.

It was almost midnight now, after being totally spent from their passionate lovemaking, the duo made a beeline towards the fridge. Laura sat on the dining table with just a sea of white thick blanket wrapped around her form, trying to revive her previously neglected takeaway sandwich. Carmilla put on an oversized shirt from Laura’s closet; she proceeded to inspect the fridge and hastily concocted something out of Laura’s leftovers over the stove.

“Here” Carmilla placed a plate of warm food in front of Laura.

“What is this?” Laura scrutinized the meal before her trying to be loyal to her sandwich but the aroma was so tempting.

“Leftover pasta, some eggs, milk, and veggies; spaghetti frittata. That’s all I could come up with what you have.” Carmilla snickered as she sat opposite Laura with another plate of the warm dish in front of her.

Laura gave her an amused look. “At some point, I actually forgot that you cook for living.”

“Go on, indulge, you would need your energy. Don’t worry about the sandwich, we’ll finish that too, it’s still edible.” Carmilla urged.

Laura gave her a questioning look.

“What? Don’t tell me that after what just happened in there, you have any more plans for your weekend?” Carmilla replied with a mischievous grin as she stared at the direction of Laura’s bed.

Laura’s jaw almost dropped at the innuendo.

* * *


	11. An Afterthought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after the tumultuous encounter? Here are some resolutions.

* * *

“Tell me, how did you find me?”

It was Saturday evening, Laura and Carmilla were once again cuddled in the comfort of Laura’s pillows and warm blanket. Laura felt the smoothness of Carmilla’s skin on her fingertips, she brushing her forefinger in a smooth careful motion over Carmilla’s upper arm. Carmilla was cuddled to Laura’s side, her head rested over Laura’s shoulder, Carmilla’s arm draped over Laura’s naked torso.

“Well, when I got home Will told me about what happened after I left. I kept track of you, Cupcake…” Carmilla paused, thinking if she wanted to remind Laura of their convoluted past. “Anyway, somehow, I knew where you worked. It was just a chance that had I to take and I’m glad I took it. After much persuasion from them of course.” Carmilla continued.

Laura just hummed a response, urging Carmilla to go on with her story.

“So, I booked a hotel without a definitive check-out date, arrived here in a windy day, never realizing how freezing the weather could get. First thing I did was to head to your office but I got there a few minutes late, the receptionist told me that you got off early. However, as I was about to leave, this friendly dude approached me.” Carmilla tried to recall. “He said he knew you, he was friendly indeed but he was eavesdropping. Friendly and helpful but definitely nosy.”

“Was he blonde with wavy hair with a bubbly demeanor? Also, did he wear a khaki trench coat and seemingly all his clothes just fit him well?” Laura envisioned Justin that day.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s definitely him!” Carmilla confirmed.

“That’s Justin, he works in my department. He’s overly friendly and loud at times which can be annoying but he’s definitely a sweetheart. He’s actually my first friend here.” Laura chuckled.

“Well, I’m glad he’s nosy; remind me to thank him later. So, he interrogated me a bit and told me ‘you’re intimidatingly beautiful, I believe you’. Then, he gave me your address.” Carmilla jeered. “I guess he’s used to pimping you around.”

“Definitely! He’s been constantly inviting me to parties hooking me up with some random people in the past few months.” Laura laughed.

“You’ve been…” This new information suddenly caught Carmilla’s attention.

“I’ve been to dates, yes” Laura was stunned by Carmilla’s reaction.

Suddenly, instead to reacting adversely, Carmilla realized her place. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I can’t just expect you to put your life on hold after what happened to us. If anything, I’m at fault here.”

“Don’t say that, we were both in confusing periods in our life.” Laura uttered remembering the pang of her pain once again.

“But I just upped and left you. I should have been around.” Carmilla murmured.

“No, Carm, I think you just did yourself right.” Laura held Carmilla closer. “I was wrong to mislead you, I was unhappy with Danny. I was unhappy for a while and at some point, I believe I subjected you to that chaos. I did not even have the guts to tell you how unhappy I was with her.”

“What I did at Styria…I’m really sorry I left you. I was at the brink of self-preservation Laura, I needed to do that.” Carmilla got up, now staring at Laura with teary eyes.

“I know, I know what I did, I was unfair to you. You do know what she did to me, right?” Laura whispered.

Carmilla nodded. “I’m really sorry I ran away.” Carmilla kissed Laura’s forehead.

“You’re here now, that’s all that matters.” Laura held on to Carmilla.

“Will told me that you kept coming back…after I left.” Carmilla thought.

“I just couldn’t, I just couldn’t move on without trying you know. I just couldn’t give up on the thought of what we had and moving on without letting you know. So, I kept coming back but at some point…I just needed to…I just needed to move on.” Laura was already whimpering at this point.

In the progress of their exchange, Laura and Carmilla realized that they had somehow swapped places; Laura was enclosed in Carmilla’s arms now.

“I had nothing left for me in Graz, so I took the job here. I needed a new start.” Laura explained in between breaths.

“I understand. Self-preservation.” Carmilla uttered.

Laura just nodded in response.

“I’m here now,” Carmilla affirmed. “If you let me?” An inquiry.

Laura kissed her as a response.

* * *

“So, you’re staying with me, right?”

It was a Sunday, Laura and Carmilla had finally decided to go on a supply run after Carmilla’s inspection of Laura’s empty fridge and cupboards and Carmilla’s dismissal of any more takeaway food. Carmilla has checked-out of her hotel and had already moved her bags to Laura’s apartment. They were at the grocery now, due to Carmilla’s insistence of preparing dinner for Laura. So, in between the dairy section and the vegetable section, Laura just blurted out her realization.

“Am I imposing if I do?” Carmilla grasped the suddenness of their decisions.

“Well, it’s actually senseless if you don’t. I think we’re done walking around eggshells with each other at this point, Carm.” Laura paused emphasizing her point.

Carmilla gripped the handle bar of the grocery cart firmly; she was indeed taking a great leap with Laura. Their actions were evident but somehow they were lagging with words of affirmation.

“I mean, it’s not like you had a Plan B after you went here.” Laura implied.

“Well, I did make several plans just in case.” Carmilla rubbed the back of her neck with her hand, quite embarrassed with her admission.

“What do you mean?” Laura furrowed her brows.

“I mean, I didn’t know how you would react after what I did. I mean, how you react was the most ideal. I just had to prepare for the worse.” Carmilla voiced out.

Laura gave her a knowing look. “So, what would you do if I ignored you?”

“Well, I met a few people, I thought of pulling a few strings. When I studied in Barcelona, I had a fellow student whose family owned a chain of restaurants here in North America and they happen to have one here in Boston. She offered me work here, if I needed it.” Carmilla outlined. 

“Wait, what? So, you studied in Barcelona? You really planned to go here? What about the lodge? Gosh, I just have so many questions right now.” Laura was overwhelmed by the sudden surge of information.

“Well, you could have known more if you weren’t too busy shutting me up with your own mouth.” Carmilla joked.

Laura gave her a playful shove straightaway. “Why Ms. Karnstein, I didn’t know that you could be so vulgar!”

“Anyway, kidding aside, I’m looking forward to stay here, Laura. I came here without knowing how you would react. If things went south for us for my first try, I really planned to stay here and perhaps stalk you every day until you decide to forgive me.” Carmilla reiterated.

Laura just flashed her a coy smile. “Then, you must glad that it worked out during your first try. Don’t be so cocky, Ms. Karnstein.”

* * *

“So, what do we do now?”

Laura just threw the question out in the open; they just had dinner, which Carmilla prepared. She was making some tea and Carmilla was doing the dishes.

“Uhm, you just said we’ll watch a movie a while ago.” Carmilla answered in confusion.

“No, Carm, I mean, we’ve made plans, about you looking into that job offer and staying here but what does that make us?” Laura looked up from her task.

Carmilla turned to face Laura; she was wiping her hands clean on a dry towel. The past few days had served as a glimpse towards their future together, the polarity of their intense physical activities and domestication felt like second nature.

“Isn’t it clear, Laura?” Laura noticed the shift of Carmilla’s demeanor, without the use her nickname, Laura knew that they were on a serious tone.

“You know me, Carm. I read through your actions, you have deprived me with words before.” Carmilla knew what Laura was referring to, that chilly night outside the bar at Styria. “What’s unspoken remains unspoken, so that it may do no harm?” Laura recalled Carmilla’s words, she could not forget. “What were you supposed to tell me that night?”

Carmilla moved closer to Laura, she remembered that night. The strength it took for her to withhold herself away from Laura, taking the honorable route, it caused both of them pain. But everything is different now, they were in a different place, they were alone together in a new light.

“Well…” Carmilla held both Laura’s hands without breaking her gaze. The intensity of her stare brought knots to Laura’s stomach. “That night…I just wanted to tell you…how much…I love you.”

Again, just like a broken dam, Carmilla spilled and without fault or reservation, she was allowed to, this time.

Laura flashed a mustered an endearing smile, “You just don’t know how much I had been waiting to hear you say it.”

“I love you, Laura, now you know.”

“I love you, too, Carm.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for following this story! I am miles away from the core of the Carmilla fandom but as I finish this, it's actually great to hear that the fandom is still thriving with CarmillaCon just a few days ago (living in a different time zone just makes me sound like I'm from the future being half a day ahead). Anyway, this journey is not over yet, since like most of my stories, I typically have an epilogue. So, let me know your thoughts on the last couple of chapters while I concoct the epilogue!


End file.
